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  SECRETS OF THE

  FALL

  kailin gow

  A New Adult/Contemporary Adult Loving Summer Novel

  Secrets of the Fall

  Published by THE EDGE

  THE EDGE is an imprint of Sparklesoup Inc.

  Copyright © 2013 Kailin Gow

  All Rights Reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, graphic, electronic, or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, taping or by any information storage or retrieval system, without the permission in writing from the publisher except in case of brief quotations embodied in critical articles and reviews.

  For information, please contact:

  THE EDGE at Sparklesoup

  14252 Culver Dr., A732

  Irvine, CA 92604

  www.theEdgeBooks.com

  First Edition.

  Printed in the United States of America.

  ISBN: 978-1-59748-076-5

  Prologue

  Nat’s Letter to Summer

  My Perfect Summer,

  I know we’re used to calling or texting each other whenever we needed to talk to each other, but I wanted to try something different this time, because this is one of those times that I wish to preserve in memory, as well as paper in hopes that someday our children or future generation could read and cherish.

  Aunt Sookie had always been fond of letters, written in the old fashioned way. That when forced to sit down to write a letter, taking pen to paper, you spend more time thinking about what you want to say, and how to say it.

  She told me once that traditions like that are worth preserving. And when it comes to anything to do with you, I want to make sure it is preserved.

  Aunt Sookie lived life to the fullest. She taught us to learn from the past, enjoy the now, and prepare for the future. You have always been part of my past, my now, and even my future.

  I have avoided love for so long. I have been too afraid to open myself up to it, afraid I will only be disappointed. But when you came along into my life, so new to the world at only four years old to my five years old, I felt the stirrings of love and friendship. It wasn’t until we were beginning our teens that the love I felt for you was the kind a man has for a woman.

  My instructions to you when you’re ready to read this letter is to live life to the fullest. To love life to the fullest. Regardless of who you end up with, who is blessed to be the man to spend the rest of your life with, I wish you happiness. And a lifetime of lasting love.

  Wherever you go, whatever the weather and time of year; with you, it’ll always be a Perfect Summer.

  I love you with all my heart.

  Your Nat in Shining Armor

  Summer

  I’ve read Nat’s letter to me again today. Two weeks after finding out he had gone missing. Two whole freaking weeks. It felt like a lifetime when all you’ve been doing was crying and drowning in incredible indescribable pain.

  No, actually I did more than cry…I nearly lost my mind.

  I never thought missing someone could hurt so much. When Aunt Sookie died and left me alone to live at her Malibu beach house, known as the “Pad” and to manage her acting academy, I was in shock, but I was able to manage. Somehow. Somewhere inside of me, there was a strength that I could draw from, instilled by Aunt Sookie herself, that gave me hope that I can make it through. There was grief no doubt, but I did managed to pull myself together enough to finish high school, get a volleyball scholarship to USC and on an early admissions, and run the acting school Aunt Sookie had left me to run.

  To go on living my life day to day.

  To get up and out of bed, to brush my teeth, get dressed, and go on about my day like it was just another day.

  I could manage.

  Because it was what Aunt Sookie had taught me to do. To carry on. Aunt Sookie had asked me, had made me promise that I would carry on. Just like Nat had asked me to do in his last letter to me…before he disappeared.

  Before I got word from Drew that Nat had not returned from his life and death mission.

  The thought was in back of everyone’s mind, but we didn’t want to say it aloud. Nat had gone to Afghanistan on a rescue mission to find and bring back his father, the billionaire tycoon of Donovan Dynamics, who was there for a secret security mission. The danger was immense, and if Nat and Mr. Donovan did not return, chances were they weren’t going to.

  It was the hardest thing I’ve ever face…more so than the cyber-attacks or even the near attempts on my life by the stalker, because with Nat gone, it was as though a large part of me went missing, too. I didn’t know this at the time, but loving Nat had been the most constant thing I’ve had throughout my life. I’ve always loved him, but when we finally got together physically, it was as though a part of me had awaken. When he and I finally made love, I became further attached to Nat in so many ways. He really was my knight in shining armor. My pirate to my princess in the fairy tale play Aunt Sookie had cast us in when we were little.

  When Aunt Sookie died and I had to take over running the school, take over taking care of myself and managing all of Aunt Sookie’s bills, the Pad, and everything else she was involved in, I had to grow up overnight. I wasn’t the same Summer Jones as I was the last summer Aunt Sookie was alive. I wasn’t the sweet and naïve girl I was who stayed with her aunt during the summers and then school year while her mother traveled the world on military business. I became Summer Jones, college student, owner of Aunt Sookie’s Acting Academy, and inheritor of the Pad. Also, thrown into public briefly as hottie actor Astor Fairway’s girl. Briefly until we broke up. Me first, and then Astor. That was a whole different story altogether, which maybe someday I will tell…the whole dating Astor Fairway the celebrity thing…but I digress. Sometimes, life could be too much to handle all by yourself. Sometimes, you couldn’t be that strong, but have to let go of yourself to fall and get rebuilt again.

  Strength came in different ways, and when Aunt Sookie got sick, when the Donovans faced divorce and suicide at their home, we all learned that strength came from helping each other and standing by each other when the going got tough. So when Nat, who had always been my rock, went missing on his mission to find his father, I went ballistic. Sobbed for days, didn’t eat or sleep for days, missed classes, and even refused to crawl out of bed.

  It was too much to handle. Missing Nat and wondering if he would ever come back, chewed me up inside and out…screaming about it, crying about it could not take away the pain enough.

  So I did the best I could and turned to my friend who had always been there for me, too. Someone who knew what I was going through, who was close to Nat and loved him too. I turned to the only other rock in my life and fell into his arms. And now…it was more complicated than ever.

  I glanced over at the tanned bare chest of the naked man next to me in bed. Even in the early morning grey light of Southern California fog, he had one of the most impressive body I’ve seen. I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t attracted to him at least one bit. Any girl who had eyes would be.

  He opened his beautiful blue ones and stared lovingly at me while I took him all in.

  “Hi Beautiful,” he said, reaching a finger to brush a strand of my long chestnut hair behind my ear. He smiled his slow sexy smile that revealed his straight white teeth. My breath caught in my throat. He really was that good-looking…the guy who modeled those underwear ads, that guy who had random girls stopping him on the streets or at supermarkets to give him their numbers…that guy was Drew Donovan…Nat’s younger brother.

  The guy who made hot passionate love to me last night when he came over and found me sobbing in the bathtub with Nat’s letter in my hands. And a razor nearby.

  Drew Donovan
had saved my life last night.

  It wasn’t the first time he had saved my life, but this time, it was the first time I succumbed to my feelings for him, and it made everything much more complicated.

  Chapter 1

  Drew

  It takes a major screw up to fuck up a situation even further than it could be.

  Me making love to Summer at her most vulnerable was a major screw up.

  Did I regret it? Part of me wished it didn’t happen under those circumstances…that Summer had wanted me to make love to her because she loved me and wanted me for myself, and not as Nat’s stand-in.

  The other part of me, which you could imagine which, was loving Summer a whole lot more. There were no regrets there.

  And judging by the way Summer responded, she enjoyed it immensely.

  Was it good? The question should be…how could it not be? When you’re making love to a woman you cherish, and all you want to do is make her feel good, how could it not be good?

  Talking about it almost cheapens the experience. To me, making love to Summer for the first time, was mind-blowing. I’d go to hell and back for her because she’s that woman for me. She’s the woman who can launch wars…my Helen of Troy. She’s the queen who can bring powerful men to their knees…my Cleopatra. She is the woman who helped me reach my potential, the woman who saw through my bullshit, called me out on it, and still loved me for all my flaws and imperfections. All packaged up nicely in a killer Victoria Secret model body with a wicked sense of justice.

  As always, when Summer walks into a room, she brings all the sunshine in, no matter how dark it is. Even when I found her sobbing in the bathtub with Nat’s letter in her hands and a razor blade nearby; there was still a thread of hope within her that made it possible for me to push that razor blade away, take her into my arms, and kiss the tears away, and have her come back to me.

  “Summer!” I shook her in the middle of her bedroom. “Don’t even think about it,” I scolded her while desperately kissing her lips, her cheeks, and her eyelids. “I’m here. I’m here for you. Please, don’t do this to yourself. Please don’t hurt yourself.”

  Summer’s naked body was whacked with sobs as she realized what she was about to do. “Oh, Drew,” she cried. “This hurts. It hurts so much. What am I going to do? I don’t know…”

  “Dammit, Summer,” I said almost angrily. “Don’t you dare leave me, too.” I held her tight against my chest, not caring that her wet skin and hair was soaking through my t-shirt. “Don’t you pull a Nat on me and leave, Summer. I need you. I miss Nat, too, but I so desperately…” I kissed her on the mouth hungrily now, my tongue dipping in to taste her tongue as I press hard against her soft wet body, kissing her with all that I have, trying hard to get through to her, trying hard to make her feel something…anything…so that she can feel me alive with her. “I’m here, Summer. I am here in the flesh. I know you can feel me. I know you can touch and taste me. In the flesh…for you. I’m here for you, and you can have me. Any way you want me. Summer. I’m yours. I. Desperately…” my hands cupped her smooth firm but round butt and press my jeans-clad crotch against her. “Need you.”

  I was full-on devouring her mouth and making my way down her neck and shoulders when I stopped and took a look at her. She was standing still with her big hazel eyes staring straight at me…her lips glistening and slightly open from my kisses. Oh God, I wanted to dip right in again and take her mouth fully in mine and kiss the living breath out of her. Despite this situation of finding her in her bathtub, I found myself hotter for her than ever. I’ve never seen her more vulnerable, and it brought out my most primal urge to protect her, comfort her, and do everything I could to make her feel safe again.

  “Drew,” she said calmly, her tears drying on her cheeks. She reached up a finger to touch my cheeks softly and gently. I stared at her, mesmerized by her calmness as she leaned in towards me. I think I even held my breath as she stared into my eyes briefly before leaning in to kiss my cheeks with her soft sexy lips. She kissed one cheek and then the other before raising her eyes to look into mine again. That look of intensity in her eyes. That look of desire mixed with vulnerability, nearly made me lose all control. I wanted to grab her and carry her off to bed. “Drew,” she said again, calmly and softly. “Don’t cry, too. I’m here. I’m still here.”

  It hit me then that I had been crying when I found her in the tub, grabbed her out of it, and began kissing her furiously and desperately. I didn’t even realize I had been crying, I was so lost in trying to save Summer from taking her own life.

  The thought of losing her at that moment caused something in me to break, to lose all my inhibitions, and to just be me at my most rawest, my most primal self…with Summer. I didn’t care about my image as a walking one-night stand. I didn’t care about football. I didn’t care about anything about me. All I cared about was Summer. She was what mattered. Nothing else.

  I knew then that I had to tell her. I had to let Summer know how much she meant to me. No more playing games. No more being friend-zoned. I desperately wanted her. I desperately loved her, more than my own life.

  She needed to know how much she meant to me. She needed to know that if she took her own life and left me standing there alone, I could never recover from it. “Summer,” I said, my voice shaking with emotion. If I cried, I didn’t care. Getting her to understand I wanted her to live was more important than any stupid male macho crap. I was suddenly that little boy at Aunt Sookie’s Malibu pad along with my twin sister Rachel, playing with and crushing on cute little Summer when we were little. I was the boy who watched Summer grow into a beauty every summer, while being able to joke around, swim with, and even run along the beach with. She was the only girl besides Rachel whom I cared about other than as a sexual conquest. So now here she was, naked, vulnerable, beautifully wild, and looking at me with a look that melted me.

  “You’re the only girl who can make me cry like that, Summer. You’re the only girl who can see straight through me and into my heart. If I lost you, I don’t know what I’d do. You are my lifeline to sanity, my window of hope. If you dare attempt to do what you were thinking of doing, you may as well kill me, too.”

  Summer’s eyes widen as she gasped and took a deep breath in. “No, no, Drew,” she cried, shaking her head. “This isn’t about you. It’s about me, but no. I would never want to hurt you like that. Oh God...what was I think? I wasn’t thinking…I don’t know what got into me…I’m sorry.”

  I took her hands and held them tightly in my own. “I swear Summer, if you even attempt to do what you were thinking of doing, you’ve signed my death warrant, too. Think about that. If you go, you’re taking me down with you. I will not let you do it. Because no matter how bleak it may seem, no matter how far you’ve fallen, there is always hope. There is always another way. Believe me, I had been there before…and then you realize that when you’ve hit rock bottom, that it’s a good thing. There’s nowhere else to go but up. You may not see it now, but you will.”

  I took her hands and begin kissing her knuckles. “A few months ago, I was having such dark dreams that it scared me. I never thought I would, but then it crept up on me, and I was suddenly feeling all these emotions. I was on the brink, but then something happened.”

  Summer looked at me and her eyes filled with unshed tears. “What?”

  “I thought of you…how you may need me one day. How I wanted to be there for you. I thought of Rachel, who would no longer have a brother. I thought of Nat, who needed me to help him deal with Mom and Dad. I thought of Mom, who needed all of us to pull through for her. I even thought of my asshole cheating father. I even thought of Aunt Sookie, and how much she enjoyed life to the fullest. How she lived her short life to the fullest with no regrets. If I left, if I had given up, I would have so many regrets, Summer. And one of the most biggest regrets I’ll ever have is that I never got to experience, not took a chance on loving you.”

  I took a deep jagged breath and cont
inued while Summer covered her mouth with her hands, overcome with emotions. “You have me, Summer. And I have you. When the going gets tough, I’ll always be here for you.” I kissed her fully on the mouth. “I’ll always be here for you because Summer…as much as I’ve been fighting it, as much as I’ve tried to stay away, I can’t. I love you. I love you so much that just the thought of you not being in my life, broke me.”

  “Drew…I,” Summer began with tears rolling down her cheeks again but I captured her mouth with mine as my tongue tangled with hers.

  She moaned a deep moan before I deepen the kiss and wrapped my arms around her small waist, lifting her so that her legs straddled my waist. Oh heavenly mother of God, I could not stop myself then, just feeling her naked skin and her open warm core pressed against me. There were times when we were naked or heavily making out before, but this time was different. This time, I felt as though if I didn’t have her, if I didn’t show her how much I loved her, it would be a matter of life and death. Literally.

  “Summer…” I began, but she hushed me while raking her fingers through my hair.

  “Drew…you are all I have now. I’m sorry for scaring you like that. I am so messed up right now, and Nat’s not even here, and I…”

  “Hush,” I said, cupping her chin with my hand and lifting her face up to meet my gaze. “Like I said, I’m here now and I’ll do anything to help make your pain go away. Anything, Summer, especially my body. Do what you will with me. Everything I have is yours.”

  “Your what?” Summer asked almost incredulously.

  “My body,” I repeated, a little huskier this second knowing how it was more of a benefit to me than to Summer, actually. Damn, I wanted her body to do with it as I so pleased.