Saving You Saving Me (You & Me Trilogy) Read online

Derek shrugged. “Yes, why wouldn’t I be?”

  “But you’re always here, where would you find the time to be in one?”

  “I should be asking the same about you and everything you do,” Derek said.

  “Derek,” I frowned. “I don’t have any experience with answering that one. What would you say?”

  “If it was me, I would do the right thing,” Derek said, “if I got the girl pregnant, then she shouldn’t have to face raising a child alone, heck raising my child alone.”

  I smiled. Somehow his answer seemed so right to me at the moment.

  I sat back down, put on my headset, and pressed the talk button on my phone.

  “Hello?” Steve’s voice asked. “Hello, is anyone there?”

  “I’m here, Steve, and I honestly had to think about this before getting back to you.” I took a breath before continuing. “Sometimes in life, we make mistakes…some mistakes bigger than others, while some are pretty small. Well…what you’ve done with Leila…sounds like you and she had enough of a relationship where you two once cared for each other. Now she’s pregnant with your child.”

  “She didn’t take her pill,” he said.

  “You didn’t wear a condom, or did you?” I said, surprised I said the word condom. I gasped, putting my hand to my mouth. What would Dad say if he knew?

  “No, I didn’t think I had to,” Steve said.

  “Pills aren’t 100% effective,” I said, remembering what I read in a biology textbook.

  “This is probably a conversation you should be having with your girlfriend and even both of your parents. Pregnancy isn’t something to be taken lightly. There is another life besides both of yours to be considering too.

  “There are adoption centers, people who would love to have a baby to love and raise, there are ways for you to help raise that baby together, even if you and your girlfriend aren’t together. But you are still that baby’s father,” I said. “So act like a man and do what’s right.” I looked over at Derek who was watching me with a strange expression on his face.

  “Gosh, well, I kind of knew that was coming,” Steve said.

  “If you did, then you already had an idea of what you had to do,” I said.

  “Yeah, it’s just that I wanted to hear it from someone who’s not involved at all. Everyone’s got an opinion on this right now, and it’s all so confusing.”

  “That’s what we’re here for, Steve.”

  “Thank you,” he said.

  “Best of luck, Steve. I wish you the best.”

  I pressed the button to end the call. As soon as I did, I fell back into my chair, letting out a breath of air.

  Derek was quiet, but he had his eyes on mine as he took off his headset and came over to me. Before I knew it, he lifted me from my chair and pulled me in towards him, giving me a tight hug.

  Bewildered, I asked. “What was that for?”

  “That’s for all the women in the world who had to face raising a child all on their own because some asshole like Steve couldn’t face up to their responsibilities,” Derek said.

  Derek looked sad for a brief moment so I returned his hug.

  “You handled that like a pro, Sam. You’re really good at this, so good I forget you’re only eighteen.”

  “I know, Derek, everyone’s said I’m mature for my age.”

  “Oh, I don’t know about that, Sam, just a few days ago you were wearing butterflies in your hair like a little girl.”

  “My mother made up my hair that day. They’re my baby sister’s hairclips,” I blushed, embarrassed to be caught wearing my baby sister’s hair accessories. “So maybe I don’t have a sophisticated fashion sense…”

  “You looked adorable, Sam, as you should,” he squeezed my shoulders.

  “Derek, you are too nice. I bet if I wore a burlap bag as a dress and had knots in my hair, you’d think I look adorable.”

  He had a puppy dog look on his face when he said, “Maybe. The burlap dress I can see, but not the knots in your hair.”

  “Yeah right.” He was such a nice guy. “Derek?” I asked. “This last call…you had a look on your face…like you were sad. Can I ask why?”

  Derek looked so surprised that his mouth fell open. “You caught me off guard, Sam. You seemed so innocent, yet you’re wise at the same time. I thought whatever was bothering you had something to do with that call, but the opposite was true. It hit home for me, what Steve and Leila was going through.”

  “How? Someone in your fraternity got a girl pregnant?”

  “I wouldn’t be surprised if they did,” Derek laughed. “But no, it’s not that. The reason why I was sad for a moment was because I was raised by a single mother. It was hard for her, but she was able to raise me, while going to school and working full time. She recently finished getting her Master’s Degree in Education – I’m so proud of her. It was her dream come true.”

  I squeezed his hand and said, “You have an amazing mother, Derek. No wonder you turned out awesome!”

  “Awesome?” Derek asked

  “Awesomesauce,” I said, shrugging. “Gosh, you got to get out more.”

  Derek raised his eyebrows. “But I do, Sam. I do. I’m in a fraternity in college, what do you think I do?”

  My eyes opened wide for a moment before my hand shot out to clap my mouth. “I didn’t think you…”

  “I don’t have a girlfriend like Steve does,” Derek said, “but I’m pretty careful.”

  My mouth gaped as I shook my head. “Derek, you’re a serial dater. Who would have thought?”

  Derek looked hurt. “I am not. I just haven’t found a girl who I want to date long-term.”

  “Fair enough,” I muttered. “You’re still a serial dater. Ha ha.”

  “Just wait until you go to college, there are so many people there, you wouldn’t want to settle.”

  I rolled my eyes at him, and he rolled his eyes back. We were being immature, rolling our eyes at each other until he stood up straight and reached into his pocket for his cell phone. “Hi,” he said, his voice softening. “Kristen, I’m sorry, I forgot. The function is when?”

  Derek looked at me and raised his hand in the air as if he was apologizing for taking this call. He walked away into the Conference Room.

  I sat back down at my desk, and noticed a green light flashing on screen. I put my headset on and pressed the button.

  “Hi, you’ve reached Sawyer House, what do you want to talk about?”

  “Hi, Susan,” a deep muffled voice asked. “This is Daggers. I’ve been waiting to call you.”

  I stopped. Almost breathless. Daggers. “I’ve been waiting for you to call,” I laughed.

  There was a gasp at the other end of the phone. “You should bottle that laugh and sell it. It’s happiness in a bottle, Susan.”

  “You’re kidding me, aren’t you?” I said laughing again. “It feels good to hear your voice,” I said.

  “There you go again with that laugh,” Daggers said softly. “They should call Sawyer House, Laughter House, it’s where you go to get a quick dose of sunshine, at least for me, it is, Susan.” His voice was so sincere and joyful.

  “I hope so,” I said, flattered and touched.

  “Susan, I love hearing your voice. You know, I haven’t call for a while, but all those times I called and we talked has meant a lot to me.”

  “Daggers,” I caught my breath. I honestly could not breathe at that moment. “It meant a lot to me, too.”

  “How are things with you at home?” Daggers asked. “Is your mother staying sober?”

  “She’s trying,” I said.

  “What about your father? Is he talking to your mother again?”

  “They talk, but I can see how Dad has not forgiven Mom for driving drunk.”

  “I’m sorry to hear all that, Susan,” Daggers said.

  “That’s how it is,” I said before jumping into his problem. “How’s everything going, Daggers?” I put on my Serious Susan expression.


  “Ah the usual - me fighting against the dark. And floundering badly. I’m like a blind man clutching in the dark for a light that would never be. Whenever I think about going into a relationship, it scares the shit out of me. With the amount of baggage I have, I don’t think any woman in her right mind would look at me twice. I realize I keep looking for women who would put me down and make me feel as bad as my mother.”

  My heart twisted again, thinking about the poor defenseless baby who had to endure nothing but hate from his own mother every day of his first two years of life. What person wouldn’t be a walking case of poor self-esteem.

  “Are you seeing anyone right now?” I asked. “How is it working out with the girl you’re crazy about?”

  Daggers said. “We began dating a few weeks back. She was so special, and not at all like the women I’ve seen in the past. She’s pure goodness and innocence. I wanted her normalcy, I wanted to make things work with her, but I think I blew it. She wasn’t into what I wanted.” He said so softly, “I’d give anything to have a normal relationship.”

  More than normal dear, I thought. You needed someone with a lot of love to give. Of anyone I’d ever known, Daggers was the one person who would need a lifetime of love to get over something like his childhood.

  “Susan?” Daggers asked, he had taken off the voice scrambler device, and was speaking in his own voice, which was sweet, deep, and so sexy. I jumped. I didn’t think I would respond that way to just his voice.

  “Yes, Daggers?”

  “I can’t see you, but since we last talked on the phone, and I heard your voice, I thought this woman had the voice of an angel. I was taken aback after the call, I sat there for hours going over what we’d talked about and how you said everything. I don’t think you have a bone in your body that’s capable of saying degrading, abusive things like the women I’ve had relationships with.”

  “It’s possible to find women who don’t abuse men,” I said. “Most women don’t.”

  “That’s just my problem, Susan,” Daggers said in his low sexy voice. Oh my goodness, Lola was licking her lips.

  “What problem is that?”

  He paused and then there was this excruciating groan. “I hate it, but I crave it, too. And I can’t seem to stop.”

  “You’ve got to stop, Daggers,” I said, trying to sound firm. “If you don’t, one of these days, you’ll get hurt or killed.”

  “I don’t know if I can, Susan,” Daggers said in a voice so soft, so small, like a lost little boy’s. “What my mother did to me as a boy, with those women…” He began crying.

  I began crying along with him. “It’s okay, Daggers. I’m here,” I said gently. “You will get through this…with me.”

  Chapter 12

  Thursday

  The next night, Daggers called again. “Hi Susan,” he said. “I began dreaming of a better life.”

  “That’s wonderful. What was it about?”

  “I stopped being in an abusive relationship. I found a girl who I could love and who would love me back with all my flaws and deep dark secrets.”

  “I’m happy you’re having these dreams,” I said.

  “The girl in the dream, Susan, has your voice,” Daggers added.

  “Is she pretty and nice, too?” I asked.

  “She’s gorgeous, the most beautiful girl I’ve ever seen,” Daggers said.

  “As long as she makes you happy and treats you like the beautiful human being that you are, I’m fine with it,” I said, thinking I would be. But deep down inside, I felt a pang of jealousy that Daggers would be off falling in love with some girl who did not even know him like I did. I felt proud of his progress, but sad at the same time, thinking that as Daggers got better, he would no longer reach out for me.

  Friday

  Daggers called me on Friday with some news. “Susan, I’m happy to say my shrink says I’ve made improvements with my abusive relationship issue.”

  “You have a shrink?” I asked.

  “Had one for a few years,” he said.

  “Then why did you start calling Sawyer House?” I asked. “Not that you’re not welcome, but because we’re usually the first person callers would call.”

  “I was looking for someone who worked there, and ended up talking to you.” Daggers chuckled. “Good thing, too. You’ve helped me make significant improvements.”

  “Well, are you going to stop calling Sawyer House now?” I asked, feeling like my heart would break if he did.

  “I should so you can use the time you talk to me on someone else, but I don’t want to,” he said.

  “I don’t want you to, too,” I added.

  “Why?” Daggers asked.

  “Because I like talking to you. You’re more than a caller to me. You mean much more than that,” I admitted.

  “You mean much more to me, too. I need to hear your voice. I need to hear that you will be okay, despite things at home,” Daggers said.

  “All I do is listen, Daggers, but what you’ve done, was help me deal with what’s happening to me. I need you, too.”

  “Susan, I wish to God, I could talk to you outside of Sawyer House. That we could have a real relationship beyond the Center.”

  “I know, Daggers, but it’s against policy.”

  “Unless I stopped calling Sawyer House,” Daggers said.

  “Please don’t say that,” I said. “I need to hear from you, too. I need to know you’ll be okay.” I just realized he had said the same thing to me.

  There was a small gasp on the other line, and then Daggers’ voice came loud and clear. “I’ll talk to you soon.”

  “I look forward to it,” I said. “Daggers, my sweet man, how did you get such a nickname?”

  “I wasn’t always so sweet,” Daggers said. “I had to hustle when I was growing up poor on the streets, especially after I ran away from home. I had to get tough, tough enough to send someone to the hospital, if they messed with me. One day I was sleeping on the street, and a man tried to undress me, take my clothes, and even tried to feel me up. I became so angry, I knifed him. Daggered him. He ran but didn’t get far. I turned him into the police, and they sent him to the hospital. But ever since then, I toughened up. No one would mess with me, and that same attitude got me noticed by some people who helped pulled me off the streets, get cleaned up, get educated, and have shelter. I went and got a tattoo of a dagger on my shoulder and wore it proudly. That’s how I became Daggers,” he said.

  *****

  I arrived home late after talking to Daggers, my heart twisted in sadness for him, and thinking how it took a lot of courage for some big guy like Daggers to call and admit to having such a messed up addiction.

  After showering and doing some homework, I crawled into bed and was out in seconds.

  *****

  I dreamt of thick muscular arms holding me, while a handsome face nuzzled against mine, kissing me with dove soft lips. “You’re my light, my hope,” he was saying as he kissed my eyelids, my cheeks and lips before plunging his tongue in to taste mine. His tongue was honey sweet, and I couldn’t get enough of his kisses.

  My hands roamed his smooth muscular bare back as he pressed his hips close to mine.

  “Say it,” he demanded. “What do you want?”

  “I want to feel you…”

  “Where?”

  “All over.”

  “Tell me what to do.”

  “Keep doing what you’re doing,” he said, setting up a video camera. I grabbed the camera and began filming him as he undressed. Then I kissed him on his muscular bare chest.

  He moaned against me, kissing my jawline and licking my neck. His fingers traced the skin on my back, softly while I explored the large expanse of his chest, torso, and hips. He lifted me until I was straddling his waist with my legs wrapped firmly around, and he had plunged his face into the crevices between my chest, kissing it with soft light kisses. I was wearing my navy pleated miniskirt with my hearts underwear and it flew up to my wais
t, exposing my underwear. He chuckled, seeing the hearts on my underwear and proceeded to gently slide them off after kissing the area covered by a few of the hearts. “Hmmm,” he growled, “hearts strategically placed can drive a man crazy.” Lost in the sensation his kisses were having on me, the back of my mind asked where had I heard that before. Then I remembered – Collins McGregor had said that.

  “I can’t get enough of you,” he said in his sexy velvety voice that sent shudders down my spine, between kisses. “I’ve waited for you for so long, and now you’re mine.”

  ******

  I woke up from my naughty dream of what I felt I was having with Daggers or was it Collins McGregor? I was getting both of them confused with each other. While I lusted after Collins McGregor, I believed I loved Daggers. This was a revelation for me. I knew I could not be with Daggers in reality, but with Collins McGregor, I actually had a chance for a real relationship…if I agreed to what he wanted out of the relationship. Whatever it was, I was affected by both, with my body quivering, and my heart racing, both men had an immediate physical and psychological effect on me which I could not shake. Lola was grinning like a cat, while Serious Susan was fanning herself with her hands.

  What was I doing dreaming of Daggers? He seemed so right for me in the dreams, but now awake, he seemed like the last person on earth I should get involved with.

  I crawled out of bed, putting a robe over my t-shirt and shorts before I headed out of my room and to the kitchen. I got my glass out of the cupboard, poured bottled water into it, and headed back to my room.

  The voices were loud. Mom and Dad’s raised voices arguing in their bedroom. I wished to God I could drown out their voices, but I couldn’t avoid it if I wanted to go back to my room.

  “How many more times?” Mom was shouting.

  “I should ask you the same thing,” Dad said calmly but with steel resolve.

  “I don’t care if you’re the Pastor, I’m sick and tired of pretending nothing is wrong.”

  “If you stop drinking and seek help for your alcoholism, I wouldn’t do what I’m doing.”