Finding YOU Finding ME (You & Me Trilogy Book 2) Read online

  He tugged at it until it fell down to the ground, and he picked it up, gingerly placing it in his slack’s pocket. Collins exhaled and said, “You have the sexiest round ass I’ve ever seen. You are so damn beautiful.” He placed his hands around my bottom and caressed it with his fingers. Then without warning, I felt his fingers delve deep into me, stroking me at my most sensitive spot, repeatedly until I was quivering. With his other hand, he reached up underneath my silk blouse, tore my bra apart at the front clasp, and began rubbing my erect nipples back and forth. I was writhing and moaning with pleasure, the sensations growing stronger and stronger as his nimble fingers worked me, that I cried, “Enter me or stop, but I can’t take this anymore…it’s so…”

  “Sam Baby honey, just let go. Let yourself go, your body’s asking you to. Just go with what your body wants,” Collins said calmly.

  “I…I…don’t know how to,” I said, clenching my jaw and panting in between breaths. “Oh, this is…so…” I swallowed. I was writhing in his hands, the sensations so sensitive I couldn’t take it any longer.

  “Let go, Sam,” Collins said. “Close your eyes, savor it, and drink it all in…the pleasurable sensation. Then…” he spanked me, “Come!” he demanded.

  My mind went blank when he spanked me, letting my body take full control, and when it did, my entire body quaked and quivered with an immense pleasure that had me crying out Collins’ name and grabbing at the silk bed sheets with my hands.

  A relaxing sensation filled me when my body slowly stopped quivering, and Collins scooped me up from the side of the bed where I was still bent over, and laid me down in the center. He had taken off his shirt, and his slacks, revealing his broad-shoulders, muscular arms, rippled abs, and long muscular legs, legs that looked so powerful. I stared at his black cotton boxers and the large bulge in front.

  “Collins,” I said, “I want to feel you, I want to make you feel good, too.”

  Collins slid down next to me and kissed my forehead. “Seeing you come like that already made me feel good, Sam. You’re making so much progress, I’m so proud of you, Baby.”

  “But,” I reached down and reached underneath the band of his boxers to touch his hot pulsing bulge and began massaging it, stroking it. It was my first time, and I didn’t know what to do, but feeling it, and touching it like this felt natural.

  “Don’t…” Collins growled, his eyes dark with desire.

  “Why?” I asked, increasing the intensity of my strokes.

  “Because,” Collins growled deeply, “I will have to move to the next step, and I’m not sure if you’re prepared for all the mind-blowing fucking that’ll come with it.”

  “That doesn’t sound so bad,” I said, getting aroused from pleasing him and anticipating the next step, as Collins called it.

  “No, I’m serious,” Collins said. “You are not prepared.”

  “Wouldn’t you just stick it in?” I asked.

  Collins grunted in both disgust with what I’ve just said, and pleasure with what my hand was doing.

  “No, that’s so not a romantic and hot way to put it, Sam. No, I’m talking about taking it to the next step for me. What turns me on beyond belief. There is nothing like it, and I want you to build to that with me. You won’t be able to handle it right now. It’s too dark.”

  “Collins,” I said, “I’m Susan, remembered? I know all about your dark desires. I want to help. Use me as your therapy for this, Collins. Use me to get over or at least pass them.” I pulled my face up close to his and kissed him passionately on his mouth, delving in with my tongue to taste him.

  As wound up as he was, he immediately took possession of my mouth, turning my body over until he was on top while fully and thoroughly kissing me until I was seeing stars.

  “This,” Collins said, “I can do with you right now,” he dipped down and pulled my shirt up, exposing my breasts which he devoured with his mouth, giving each one lavished attention. With his free hand, his fingers dipped into me again, rubbing hard and pressing hard against my sensitive spot. In seconds, I was moaning and writhing.

  “Can I have another one so fast?” I asked Collins.

  “Baby, you can have as many as you’d like,” he grinned seductively.

  “But…I’ve read… in all my studies,” I began, thinking of what I’ve read in psychology.

  “Stop thinking, Baby,” Collins said. “Go with it or I’ll spank you again.”

  “I can’t…” I said, thinking out loud. “It’s impossible.”

  “No it isn’t,” Collins said. “It’s happening right now, if you’ll let it. Stop thinking about it or I’ll really get upset and really spank you.”

  “Oh my God,” I clenched my jaws and grabbed fistful of the bedsheet. My body was shaking, and I threw my head back, writhing in Collins’ skilled hands. “Go…go ahead and spank me. I beg you, spank me now!”

  Collins slid down the bed to sit at the edge closest to me. With his strong arms, he lifted me and placed me over his lap. “Such perfection,” he said, running his hands over my butt. “You are flawless, Sam, the most beautiful woman I’ve ever loved.”

  I closed my eyes, relishing his confession of love.

  Then he spanked me, hard.

  I didn’t even had time to process it, my body went into complete explosion, with a strong orgasm that lasted for a long time.

  When my body subsided, Collins pulled me in close to envelope me in his arms, kissing the top of my head. “I didn’t hurt you, did I? Please tell me if I ever do. I love how you look when you’re coming, Sam. You look so free, wild, and happy.”

  I smiled up into his beautiful handsome face. “Then we should do it more often,” I said.

  “I’m happy to make that happen for you, Sam,” he said, kissing me. “Now,” he winked. “I didn’t know how much you were going to respond to me spanking you, but it seems you get a lot of pleasure from it…”

  My mind suddenly became alert when he hesitated. Then I fully remembered our conversations over the phone when he was Daggers and I was Susan at the Call Center. He was used to the heavy stuff. It was the way he found his release, unlike the way I just did.

  “It makes me believe, Sam, that this is what I’m waiting for. You’re the woman of my dreams, Sam. Not only are you so sweet and loving, so giving, beautiful inside and out, but you and I have an innate understanding and similar tastes.”

  “Spanking?” I asked.

  “That’s just an indication,” Collins said. “You have a predisposition for it, like I did.”

  My heart began pounding. I remembered how Daggers was distraught about his dark desires and how he wanted to escape it, not embrace it. I was helping him through it, helping him become normal. But now…it seems I was being pulled into the darkness itself. Collins wouldn’t agree to it, not after talking to Gail about us and hoping to get over it so there can be an ‘us’.

  “Collins,” I said, getting up, “You said there’s a next step?”

  “Yes,” he grinned. “My next step. Do you want to see it?”

  I nodded.

  He got up and pulled on a black silk bathrobe. He handed me a smaller black silk bathrobe, wrapped it around me, and tied the tie at the waist, pulling me in for a kiss. I’ve never seen him with a satisfied happy look on his face.

  “If you look so happy every time I orgasm like that,” I said, “then by all means, we should do it again.”

  “That’s what I have in mind,” Collins said, kissing me again. His arm snaked around my waist, and he pulled me with him to walk out of the bedroom and down the hall.

  “Where are we going?” I asked.

  “Well…I’m hungry for one, so we’ll stop by the kitchen, your new kitchen for a snack, and then we’ll head over to the Production Room.”

  The kitchen was right around the corner, and when Collins opened the refrigerator, it was fully stocked, even with containers of full meals that needed to be heated. “Remind me to give Vincent a raise,” he said.<
br />
  He pulled out two containers, popped it into the microwave, and when it was done, arranged the curry chicken and rice with asparagus meal on two elegant china plates. We ate in front of the large flat screen television in the living room, with Collins feeding me with big forkfuls of food. “Eat. You need your strength.”

  “I do, do I?” I asked. “Am I going to be running some kind of marathon anytime soon?”

  “Something like that,” Collins said. “I need you to keep up your strength and stamina in the next few days when we do this.”

  “What? The marathon?”

  “No,” Collins said, almost frustrated, but still in a happy mood. “My next step.”

  Again, my heart skipped a beat when hearing about the next step.

  When we were done, Collins took the dishes away, rinsed them and placed them into the dishwasher. I was going to help clean up, but he said, “Barbara, your housekeeper will be here tomorrow to clean up.”

  Raising an eyebrow, I silently asked, when did I get a housekeeper?

  “It’s part of the deal, Sam,” Collins said, noticing my raised eyebrows. Can I get nothing pass this Greek god look-alike? “You need a housekeeper. I want you to focus on your studies and work…it’s the least I can do for you when you gave up going to Stanford for me.” He kissed me lightly on my forehead. “You are one incredible woman, you know.”

  He then led me down the hallway, holding my hand in his. We reached a door at the end of the hallway that blended into the wall so it was camouflaged, as though it was a built-in door. He slipped a key into a small inconspicuous hole on the side, and slid the door open. From the side, he lifted the light panels, and the room slowly came into view.

  The tapes had not prepared me for this.

  All the calls between me and Daggers had not prepared me for this.

  I had walked into a movie set straight out of some horror film, complete with cameras set up at every corner.

  Chapter 9

  How I was able to make it into Sawyer House the next day after I fainted, and Collins had to carry me back to my room, was beyond me.

  When I came to, Collins was by my side, handing me some water, looking worried and disheveled. It was obvious he didn’t sleep at all last night.

  I took the water from him, and took a sip. The glass shook, and I realized my hands were trembling. Collins noticed too, and took the glass of water away from me, setting it on the nightstand.

  “How are you feeling?” Collins asked.

  “A little shaken, but I’m fine,” I said.

  He traced his index finger over my cheeks and scooted in next to me, resting his cheeks against mine. It felt warm, cozy, and intimate. “I was really worried, Sam,” he said. “Not just that you fainted, but that you may break down. I knew it was too soon. I was too eager, too excited. I know it takes getting used to, especially for someone so innocent and fresh like you. But the last couple of weeks, you’ve surprised me with how quick you were adapting, how you were making progress, I thought you could make some huge leaps. I never thought…”

  He trailed off, looking down.

  “That I would faint,” I said.

  “That and the look you had before you fainted…it was as though you thought I was a monster, that I was going to hurt you.”

  “Collins, I knew you were into things, but I just wasn’t prepared for it. I thought it was like what was in the videos, but it’s not even that.”

  “You’re scared about it, aren’t you?” Collins said.

  “I’m not exactly on my toes waiting to try it out right now honestly,” I said. “But that doesn’t mean I’m completely against the idea.”

  “Look,” Collins said. “I would never hurt you. I would cut off my right hand before I would hurt you. And if you have such a strong disdain for what’s in the Production Room, then we can hold off on that. We’ll find other ways to amuse each other. I just don’t want you looking at me like that…” his voice broke, and I knew he was hurt by the way I reacted.

  “I’m so sorry, Collins,” I said. “Seeing the room and associating that with sex, it does scare me.”

  “Maybe if we slowly ease into it,” Collins said. “We can try that at first, and we don’t even have to be in that room…I love you, Sam, so very much. I want to be able to make love to you…I want to be your first time and your only. I want so much for us. I just don’t want us to end here because we can’t get over this issue.”

  “I know, Collins,” I said. “I love you so much, too.” I pulled his face close to mine and kissed him deeply, trying to show him I still loved him so much, although I knew it would be a challenge overcoming his darker sexual desires with my traumatic sexual past.

  *****

  It felt strange going to Sawyer House and acting like I’m the same person that I was the last time I was here, before Collins had returned from Europe and picked me up for dinner, which turned out to be a dinner plus meeting with Collins’ long-time therapist, Gail, who happened to be my mentor and boss at Sawyer House.

  I thought it would be awkward seeing her there in her office when I came in, but all she did was smile and waved, eating a dish of Derek’s famous homemade chocolate chip cookies in front of her.

  I waved back, smiling, hiding my concerned about Collins and my inability to fulfill his dark sexual needs. I didn’t want to let her know after having had an incredible double orgasm with Collins. Collins could fulfill my needs fine, but I couldn’t even reciprocate. What kind of a lover and girlfriend would I be if I couldn’t? Would Collins seek out someone else who could fulfill those things for him?

  I was wracked with insecurity sitting in my cubicle when I felt a hand on my shoulder.

  “Hi, Stranger,” Derek said, smiling sadly. “It’s been a whole week and a half since you were here. I hope that encounter with that prankster wasn’t the reason why you stayed away for so long.”

  “Nah,” I shook my head. “That couldn’t scare me from coming here and helping people deal with their problems. I’m very dedicated,” I said brightly.

  Derek sat down in the chair opposite of me, his usual spot when he used to train me at my desk. “Glad to hear,” he said. “I thought maybe because Collins McGregor had returned, and you were graduating…moving onto Stanford…”

  “Didn’t you hear, Derek. I thought you knew already. I thought I told you…but I’m not going to Stanford. I’m staying here. Enrolling into the same major as you at UC Irvine.”

  Derek went from surprise to instant elation. “You’re here to stay?” he asked.

  “I’m not going to go to Stanford in the Fall, and I’m going to be going to UC Irvine, so, yes, I’m here to stay.”

  Derek jumped from his seat to grab me and pull me out of mine. His arm encircled my waist, lifting me high in the air. His handsome chiseled face leaned in close until he was whispering into my ears. “You don’t know how happy that made me.”

  Before I can stop him, before I can pull back, his lips were on mine, kissing me hungrily and passionately.

  “Derek,” I pushed him away. “Stop. I can’t.”

  “Why?” Derek asked. “You’re not going to Stanford anymore so I assume, you didn’t take Collins McGregor’s scholarship money, which means you didn’t want anything to do with him when he left you and went to Europe. You’re not seeing anyone right now, and as far as that body chemistry between us, that camaraderie between us; it’s ripe for picking right now, Sam. You’ve known how I’ve felt about you, and we’ve been close since Collins left. He’s back, and it isn’t like you’re suddenly spending all your time with him…”

  He stopped mid-sentence when the truth dawned on him. “But you are…that’s why you’ve missed so many days here since he’s gotten back.” His face went from elation to crestfallen. He bunched his fists and looked like he wanted to punch the wall. “Why him?” he asked. “I’ve been here all this time with you…why him? I know he’s got something kinky going on with him. One of the models whom
he went to a charity ball with came out and said Collins McGregor was into rough play, and other things. I can’t see you getting yourself into that, Sam. Not especially since you recoil from any intimate touch. Please don’t tell me you’re with Collins like that. You’ll only end up hurt and worse off than before. Collins’ not good for you, and…”

  Derek stopped pacing and talking, his body still tense with anger and hurt from my rejection. He looked over to a spot behind me, and I turned around.

  Gail was walking towards us looking very serious. “Hi Derek,” she said without a smile. “Aren’t you supposed to be training one of the new counselors?”

  “Not today,” Derek said. “Thomas called in sick.”

  “Oh, well…I need to talk to Sam right now. Maybe you can take over her shift for her. It may be for a while.”

  Derek nodded. “Sure.”

  “Sam…come with me,” Gail led me to her office, and shut the door.

  I sat down in one of the chairs in front of her desk, a plain office chair that you see everywhere…a far cry from the luxurious office Collins set her up in when he visits her for his sessions. “What is it?” I asked, worried by the look on her face.

  “I just got off the phone with Collins,” Gail began, “who seemed very upset. He didn’t sound like himself. He sounded like his alter ego, the voice he uses when he’s regressed, the younger Collins, a part of Collins when he was younger, more vulnerable.”

  “Daggers,” I said.

  Gail did a double take. “Daggers? That’s the name he used when he talked to you here, right?”

  “Yes, it is. I couldn’t tell it was Collins at all because Daggers seemed so vulnerable, so different from Collins, who’s you know…very confident. Daggers is his alter ego?”

  “When he regresses and retreats into one of the more traumatic times in his life, he’s Daggers. Daggers is Collins’ fourteen year old self when he began being sexually abused. Practically sold into prostitution by his mother, and became a kind a sex slave to some powerful woman he still has nightmares about. Collins never got to the point during our sessions to actually name the woman.”