DESIRE Read online

  I finally met his gaze, smiling and warm, as it always was when he looked at me. Would he ever get angry with me? Would we become too accustomed to one another? Would the passion fade away and we’d settle into a monotonous routine as so many couples seemed to do? No, I thought as I stared into his eyes. Our love had already brought us to this point and it would live on.

  “You’ve already done so much, Liam. What more could you do?”

  Taking a formal step back, he reached into the inner pocket of his jacket and pulled out a small silver box wrapped in a perfect white satin bow. “Happy birthday, Kama.”

  “Liam,” I gasped while my hands traveled instinctively to cover my heated cheeks. “With all that you’ve done… you didn’t have to get me a gift.”

  “Open it,” he said simply.

  I pulled on the white satin, releasing the bow from its knot then opened the box.

  Tears filled my eyes and I wanted to melt into his arms. A perfect platinum heart encrusted with diamonds sat on the satin cushion inside the box. On a white gold chain that was as fine and delicate as could be, it was an elegant and simple piece of jewelry, just the type of jewelry I loved. I knew that I would never take it off.

  “Let me,” Liam offered. His fingers pinched the thin chain and pulled the necklace from the box.

  I turned away from him and tilted my head forward as he clasped the chain around my neck. The moment the heart touched my chest, I knew all the love Liam had put into choosing this particular gift. This was more than a bauble, trinket or token. It was his very heart on that tiny chain.

  My fingers immediately reached for it, fingering the smooth edge and tracing over the diamonds. “I love it, Liam,” I said as I turned to face him.

  His face beamed with pleasure as he smiled at me. “I’m happy to see you like it.”

  “You couldn’t have chosen a more perfect gift. I’ll always have your love with me.”

  “I wanted to give you something that would make you think of me.”

  “I certainly will.”

  I reached up to kiss him, my lips light and feathery over his, but the light touch didn’t last long. It sparked something in him like never before. His arms wrapped around me and I could sense the urgency of his touch. Not the sexual urgency I’d sensed since our night together, but something different.

  “I never want to let you go, Kama,” he whispered into my hair. His breathing was heavy and loud as his hands traveled down my back, pressing me tightly to him as he did so. “Stay with me tonight. My heart’s desire is to be with you, to hold you and keep you close.”

  “Liam, the last time I stayed here alone with you, we almost went too far. Do you really want to risk that again?”

  “I was able to put my hands and lips on virtually every inch of your body and still I kept control. I think I can do it again. Besides, I want very much to keep the ultimate connection between you and me for our wedding night.”

  “You tempt me so much… too much. I want to be that close to you again, but…”

  “There’s still an hour or two before people start to leave. We’ll take out the birthday cake, you’ll get your gifts and people will dance a bit more. Once they’re gone, I want to have you all to myself for a few hours at least.”

  “Okay,” I whispered. “It’ll be my other birthday gift.” My hand reached for the heart around my neck. “As much as I cherish this, I know that tonight will be engraved in my memory like nothing else.”

  “Good,” he said as his arms pulled me to his chest. “I’m happy you desire me just as much as I desire you. Our love is boundless, you know. Knowing all the love I have in my heart and seeing it reflected in your eyes, it just cements our fate all the more; our future is together.”

  Chapter 4

  As excited and thrilled as I was to have my great birthday bash, and as wonderful as my night alone with Liam was, the weeks following my birthday dragged on and on. Everyday I anticipated finding my Life’s Plan in the mailbox. Everyday I awoke full of dreams and aspirations, full of plans for my life with Liam, yet the mailbox was empty time after time.

  The first few days I took in stride. I knew receiving my Life’s Plan the day following my birthday was unrealistic. But after two weeks I grew impatient and after the third I was downright edgy.

  My mind played through a variety of what if scenarios. Had the Committee received confirmation of my 18th birthday? Sarah had assured me they had. Were they having doubts as to the direction my life should take? Sarah and Liam both said it was normal. The Committee had tons of information to pour through in order to come to a decision.

  By the fifth week I was snapping at my mother and had difficulty concentrating at school. I knew it was normal for it to take a while, but this was exceedingly long and I could see the concern reflected in the eyes of those around me. Something was wrong.

  “What if I’m just too stupid, inept and untalented for them to find me a suitable Life’s Plan?” I shouted at my mother as I returned from another foray into the empty mailbox.

  “Don’t be silly. If anything you have too many talents and you're so brilliant they simply can’t decide how to use your abilities in a way that will best suit society.”

  The following day an envelope sat in the mailbox. On seeing it I knew it wasn’t just another letter. It was the letter I’d been waiting for; the letter on lavender paper.

  My fingers trembled as I reached for it. My name was written on the envelope with a flourish and I stared at it, imagining the content.

  “Mom,” I said as I returned to the house. “It’s finally here.”

  She smiled and tapped my cheek. “Good, I was growing weary of seeing you so agitated every day. So, are you going to open it or what?”

  “I want Liam and Sarah to be here.”

  “You show a little more patience than I thought you were capable of,” she said with a smile.

  In a matter of minutes Liam and Sarah had been notified and were on their way. I sat on the edge of the sofa, nervous and excited. I held my future in my hands and was eager to see it and share it with everyone.

  They arrived together, happy for me, no matter what was the content of my envelope.

  “Well,” Liam said sitting across from me. “What are you waiting for?”

  “I’m scared. What if it’s…?”

  “Open it,” Sarah and Liam shouted in unison.

  “Okay, okay,” I muttered. “Here goes.” I pulled out the perfectly pleated lavender letter with the distinct Committee logo. It was all so formal and serious.

  “Miss Kama Johnson,” I read aloud. “Everyone on the Committee would like to congratulate you and welcome you to the adult world of Arcadia. As has been the long-standing tradition, you hold in your hand this letter carefully and thoughtfully penned specifically for you. This is an important step in any child’s life and the system used by the founders and Committee members determines the best future for every member of Arcadian society.”

  “Come on,” Sarah urged. “Get to the good stuff.”

  I muttered my way through the rambling part of the letter and hurried to the good stuff, as Sarah called it. “Okay, let’s put in the chip.”

  I reached inside the envelope for the chip and inserted it into my tablet. Together, Sarah, Liam, my mother and I read the screen:

  Kama Johnson: daughter of Janice Johnson from the Amethyst District.

  Excellent scores in academics, ranks high among social circles, well-liked by many, head of gymnastics and fencing…

  Life’s Plan: Kama Johnson will graduate from High School with honors, head of the class.

  My heart began to pound to the point of pain as I scrolled down. There had to be more, I thought. There has to be.

  “Is that it?” I finally asked. “I’ll graduate with honors?”

  “It can’t be, Kama.” Sarah grabbed the tablet from my hands, her fingers working at a frantic pace to find more information. “It’s way too vague. I mean, of course
you’ll graduate with honors, any hoo-hah in town could predict that one. It’s the rest we want to know about.”

  I suddenly felt faint, as if my world were crumbling around me. “I’ve never heard of anyone receiving a Life’s Plan like this. Have you?” I asked everyone.

  My mother had a distant and sad look in her eyes as she shook her head.

  “This is bull…

  “Watch your language, Kama. There’s no need to get upset because they’ve not told you what you wanted to hear.”

  “What I wanted to hear?” I retorted as I got to my feet and stomped to the middle of the living room. “They didn’t tell me anything.”

  “Kama, honey,” Liam said softly as he reached for my hand. “Don’t let this upset you.”

  “How could they make me wait until my 18th birthday,” I shouted in near hysterics, “to get a Life’s Plan in which there is no plan?”

  “There has to be a mistake,” Liam went on, his hand taking a firm hold of mine. “Maybe there’s a problem with your tablet or with their chip. We’ll call them first thing tomorrow and find out what’s going on.”

  “I’ll talk to my mother,” Sarah added.

  “Don’t worry about this,” Liam said in a soft and reassuring tone. “We’ll get to the bottom of this.”

  As well-intentioned as they were, I knew. I knew there was nothing more. There was no glitch, no problem, and no mistake. My Life’s Plan went nowhere. “The Committee never makes mistakes.” I looked into Liam’s eyes as he rose to face me. My heart ached and my legs were numb. I wanted to cry, but no tears came. I wanted to sit, but my legs wouldn’t even bring me back to the sofa. I wanted to melt into Liam’s arms and yet it seemed he was miles away, even as he stood right before me.

  “Mom,” I whimpered, sounding like the little girl who had so often sought the refuge of her mother’s bosom.

  In an instant she was at my side, holding me, smothering me with her love.

  “What will happen to me?”

  “Kama,” Liam said, his voice strong and persistent. “Don’t let this change anything between us. It doesn’t change anything between us. I still love you and I’ll make sure the Committee hears about it.”

  “They obviously don’t care, Liam.” My tone and gaze were harder than I’d planned. Somehow I felt a part of my heart close down, as though fearing losing him should I love him too much.

  He gestured to my mother who obediently released me, allowing me to fall into Liam’s arms. I wanted to resist, wanted to bravely accept the fate that had been handed to me, but I melted into him, wanting simply to run away and be with him forever.

  “I won’t let this end like this, Kama,” he whispered into my ear. He brought his lips over mine, possessive and hard, as though his lips could change the course the Committee had set me on. “I want you in my Life’s Plan. My Life’s Plan says I’ll marry a girl I’ve known all my life. You are that girl. No one can deny that.”

  “If it’s not in her Life’s Plan, you won't be permitted to be with her,” Sarah added with a grim note.

  I whimpered involuntarily. Hearing the words said aloud finally brought the reality of the situation to the forefront. My relationship with Liam was to end.

  “I’ll fight it,” Liam grunted, refusing to believe what was happening.

  “You know that never works,” Sarah countered. “You can fight in vain for years and you’ll still end up apart.”

  “Maybe you should leave, Liam,” I said, pulling away from him.

  The look of shock and heartache that came to his face almost killed me. How were we going to be able to live apart, to never hold hands, to never kiss one another again?

  The tears finally flowed, easy and plentiful.

  “I think it may be best you both leave for now,” my mother said in a hushed tone. She ushered them out, her eyes hard and unrelenting as Liam opened his mouth to protest. “Please, Liam. Leave me alone with my daughter.”

  The moment they’d crossed the threshold and the door was closed behind them, I collapsed. My knees gave out and I crumbled to the floor, never wanting to get up again. What was the point? Everything I’d ever wanted, everything I’d ever dreamed for myself had been obliterated with that one damn, lousy, rotten chip.

  In the fog of misery that enshrouded me, I felt my mother’s arms. She’d sat on the floor beside me, her back against the sofa, her hands lovingly stroking my hair. “Such a beautiful and strong girl, my lovely Kama,” she whispered. “Fear not for what your life is to be.”

  “My Life’s Plan is a complete blank, Mom. A complete blank. They talk about the tradition of setting us out on the right life’s path and then they just leave me hanging with nothing.”

  “I can contact the Committee, talk to Pim.”

  “I don’t want you to have to do that, Mom. I know how Pim is always all over you and I know how you’ve been avoiding him lately. I don’t want you to use his attraction for you to get him to influence my future.”

  “You're my daughter, Kama. If there’s anyone for whom I’d make that tiny sacrifice, it certainly is you. Besides, Pim isn’t all that bad.”

  I turned to look up at her. A wistful smile curved her lips.

  “You like him, huh?”

  “Well, we were expecting to become family, in a sense. With you and Liam together, we were bound to see each other more and more.”

  My tears flowed anew. The mention of my relationship with Liam, the relationship that was not to be, broke my heart.

  “Oh, sweetie,” she said, her voice cracking with pain. “It kills me to see you like this. Let me see what I can do with Pim and we’ll try to get you a real Life’s Plan.”

  I nodded. It was worth a try.

  “Okay, talk to him.” My thoughts suddenly switched to another possibility. “What if you're the Johnson that’s meant to end up with a Seer and not me?”

  “You mean Pim and I?” There was amusement in her question. It was obvious the thought pleased her. “That’ll never happen, dear.”

  “Will you tell me one day about my father? About your love for him and why you refuse to give your heart to another?”

  She looked away for a moment, her gaze thoughtful. “One day, I will.”

  Chapter 5

  I took to spending more time studying and hanging out with Sarah at her house. While I had always enjoyed being with her and she had a beautiful and welcoming home, my motives now were not as innocent. I fervently hoped to run into her parents and hear straight from them what had gone wrong with my Life’s Plan.

  For two weeks I headed to her house after school, and for two weeks her parents worked late. Not receiving my desired Life’s Plan had me look at Arcadia with renewed eyes. What happened to those who dared defy the Committee’s wishes? As I frequently visited Sarah in hopes to change my Life’s Plan, I began to take notice of those people who had gone missing. Robert and Brittany was a senior couple last year who had planned on marrying after graduating from high school. Something went wrong, and they were forced to marry other people. They married other people, but not without publicly voicing their protest about the Committee’s decision. Last I heard about them, Robert and Brittany had both gone missing, never to be heard about again.

  As I waited to see Sarah’s parents, these thoughts came to be – the Committee was all-powerful. They can make anyone disappear if they so wished. Was I about to confront and question them on their decision just to endanger my life and my mother’s? A burning desire to know made me brave, and I continued waiting. Finally, the third Wednesday, they arrived for dinner. They seemed surprised, if not cautious, when they saw me.

  “Great, you guys are finally home early for a change,” Sarah said. “We have a little Life’s Plan dilemma to discuss.”

  “Really?” her mother said.

  “Kama got her Life’s Plan and it was empty… blank… nada… nil… nothing. What’s up with that?”

  “Hmmm.” Her father scratched his beard, avoiding m
y gaze. His eyes shifted nervously to his wife who in turn became agitated.

  “There… there must have been some kind of.…” She stopped and looked quizzically at her husband.

  “Some kind of glitch or something,” he finished for her. “Those things happen.”

  “Yeah, those things happen sometimes.”

  They turned away, both shrugging their shoulders in silence as they sought to escape my questioning glare.

  “Can someone please tell me what’s going on?” I finally blurted out. I couldn’t stand all this mystery any longer. Why were they being so weird and evasive?

  “Like we said, these things happen.”

  They hurried out and headed upstairs to their bedroom.

  In a rage I turned to Sarah. “What was that?”

  She shrugged and shook her head.

  “Did you see how weird they got? Something is going on.”

  “I know. I hate to admit it, Kama, but I think you're right. Something is wrong with the Committee.”

  “How can they stand there, look me in the eye and tell me there was some kind of glitch. The Committee doesn’t have glitches, they don’t make mistakes and they never give out an empty Life’s Plan.”

  Feeling more rattled than I had anticipated I sat down, trying to regain control of myself. Not knowing my future, not knowing what to do without a Life’s Plan was making more anxious than I have ever been. I didn’t know how to deal with the emotions that crowded out all logical thought.

  I had not seen Liam since that night, avoiding him for fear of getting him in trouble should he be caught near me. But our separation had been torture for me. Not only did I lose my love, the man I thought I was going to marry, but I lost my best friend.

  Now seeing that Sarah’s parents could not even shed a dim ray of light on the situation, I felt all the more dismal.

  “These long and late hours are new,” Sarah confided. “They have never come home as late as they have these past weeks. And they are usually a little more open about their work. Of course they never share any confidential information with me, but they do manage to talk about their day in an abstract kind of way.”