Filthy Dirty Laundry Vol. 4 Read online

  His face is so close to mine now. I can feel my icy heart melting as his lips brush against mine. So lightly. So delicately, tenderly.

  What is he doing? What game is he playing? Does he want me back – or does he just want to see if he can get me back? Can I trust him at all? I hardly know what to think. All I know is that I love the feeling of his lips against mine.

  “Then why did you let me go?” My voice is husky; it trembles with my unwept tears.

  Philip stares at me. His gaze is penetrating. “My damn father,” he says. “My damn reputation. My father – he doesn't trust me around you, and he's right. I'm a cad. A bounder. I've always been a cad and a bounder. And he cares about you. Maybe about you more than about his own children. He didn't want any family drama. He knew I'd fall for you, and he was right. You're irresistible to me, Sidney, so tempting, so forbidden, and the fact that you're forbidden makes me want you all the more. My father – he thought that I would go after you. Deflower you. Break your heart.”

  “Well, didn't you?”

  “I wasn't going to...” he says. “I wanted this to work Sidney. You have no idea how much. But he’s made threats. He wants to protect you, but he's doing it by threatening me. Ordering me to stay away from you. Because he knows how dangerous I am for you.”

  “But surely if you explain...”

  “There will be consequences if he ever finds out about us...” Philip sighs. “Serious ones.” He grabs me. He kisses me. Relief floods through me. It feels so good to have him kissing me again; I didn't realize until this moment how much I craved that sensation, his skin on my skin, his mouth on my mouth. “Serious, serious consequences...”

  “What if he's right?” I pull away. I try to regain some self-control. “I mean, what he said...it's true. You've hurt me, Philip, very deeply. How do I know you won't do it again? How can I trust you to take care of my heart? What if your father's right? What if there's too much to lose? I can't go through this carousel again, Philip. You can't decide you want me one second and you don't want me the next...”

  “It wasn't like that,” Philip growls hungrily. “You have to understand, Sidney. My family is fucked up. The way we related to each other, it's completely fucked up. And there are so many strings on all of us, so many obligations....”

  “What kind of obligations? What kind of obligations would make it okay for you to lie to me – to tell me you wanted to be with me and then turn around like it had never happened and change everything around.”

  “It's complicated, Sidney,” he murmurs. “I wish you could understand – I wish I could make you understand.”

  “How complicated can it be? You said you loved me and that was a lie.”

  “It wasn't a lie!” he cries. He grabs me, kisses me like he's trying to devour me, holds me close and bruises me with the force of his grip. “Oh, Sidney, it's too hard. I can't stop myself, even if I'm supposed to. Even if I want to. Even if it means risking everything. I want you, Sidney. I want to stay with you, to make love to you, I can't help making love to you, I can't help loving you...”

  I look up in surprise.

  So, Philip loves me after all? Then why is he being so strange, so mysterious, so hot and cold?

  We are interrupted by a knock at the door.

  Philip gets up. He straightens his clothes. He tightens his tie. “We'll talk later...”

  “I can't believe this...” I say. “You're just cutting off this conversation before we've even had a chance to...”

  “I love you, Sidney.”

  “That's not enough!” I cry, just as the door flings open.

  It's Kendall. Looking angry.

  We jump apart, Philip and I. Hoping she hasn't seen anything. Hoping she doesn't suspect...

  “What the hell is this, Philip?”

  For a second we panic. We've been discovered. She's seen something, she knows something. It's all over. The secret is out.

  Shit.

  Chapter 7

  “Uh...Kendall...” Philip grunts. “What a surprise...”

  “The Topeka Channing story. What the fuck. What the actual fuck. Assigning it to Sidney?”

  “Yes,” says Philip in a low voice. “I did assign her that story.”

  “How could you do that? It's my story – it's got my name all over it. I know Topeka. She's from my world – not some white trash ghetto or wherever the fuck Sidney lives. What – you owe her a favor for some reason?”

  “Kendall...” I say. “I have no idea what you're talking about.”

  “Don't give me that bullshit,” Kendall is a charging bull, and I'm her red banner. “I know what you did. No, I'm disgusted. Ugh!” She practically spits in my face. “I mean, isn't it bad enough that you and I are somehow part of the same sick family tree? I could barely get up in the morning knowing I'd have to deal with you. Knowing that my father is actually banging your mother as husband and little wife instead of some cheating john and his well-paid whore...”

  “Excuse me?” I can feel my face burn with anger. “How dare you talk about my mother that...

  “Now, now, Kendall,” Philip's voice is low and cool. “That’s a horrific thing to say. And very rude. Whatever you may think, whatever personal reasons you may have to feel upset right now, we are in an office. And talk like that is unprofessional, quite frankly, and reflects poorly on you as an employee. And as my sister,” he adds. “Sidney's mother is our stepmother now, and just whining and calling names isn't going to solve anything, is it?”

  Kendall looks angry. She crosses her arms and pouts like a child. “I can't believe this. You're taking her side. Our whole family's falling apart and you're just acting like you don't even care.”

  “I care about the fact that my sister is upset,” says Philip. “But other than that? All I care about is that my father is happy and well. And that his new bride is happy and well, too.”

  “You don't have any respect for our mother! For our family! For keeping our family together.”

  “Our mother and father separated years ago!” Philip's voice notches higher with anger. “And the sooner you start to accept that, the better.”

  “I can't believe you, Philip! Acting like this is okay! Acting like this isn't disgusting – Mom and Dad belong together and you know it.”

  I can't help it. I almost feel sorry for her. Years after her parents’ divorce and she's still holding out hope that some Parent Trap style situation will get them back together? It's outrageous. I can't even hate her anymore. I just feel sad for her. How horrible must her parents' divorce have been to screw her up so completely?

  “I promise you,” Kendall says, her face sour and cruel. “I will do whatever I can to make sure this marriage fails. It only takes a little bit of persuading, that's all.” She looks at me with barely concealed contempt, her eyes smoldering with rage. “Our new stepmother cares about the welfare of her little girl, doesn't she? Her precious little Sidney? I'm sure she'd hate for her daughter to suffer as a consequence of her own slutty actions.” She grabs me by the shoulders and starts shaking me.

  “Kendall!” cries Philip. He all but pulls her off me. He yanks her hard. “Let me make one thing clear, Kendall. You lay a single solitary hand on Sidney and I'll…”

  Kendall looks up in surprise. “What's gotten into you, my brother?” she asks. “Since when have you cared more about some random outsider than your own flesh and blood? Can it be? Is something going on with you two?” She claps a hand over her mouth and crows. “Because that would be too good. Too too good! After you made such a big deal, such a fucking great to-do about family honor and obligations....and you’re more likely to draw the two of them into chaos than I am! You'll break them up, just like you always do, by fucking the random girl...”

  “If you're suggesting,” Philip goes cold all of a sudden. Commanding. “If you dare to ever so much as imply that I'm refusing to let you get away with your childish and unprofessional behavior for any reason other than the fact that it is a di
sgrace to this entire magazine and indeed our entire family, then you, dear girl, are sorely mistaken. You're my sister and I love you, but your behavior is egregious and you know it. I've given you way more chances than you deserve, and you're blowing all of them. So let me make one thing clear. You insult or assault one of my employees again – Sidney or anyone else – and I'll throw you out on the street without a reference. You're right, Kendall. I'd do that to my own flesh and blood. Because ultimately you are responsible for your own actions, Kendall. Not me. So don't you lay a hand on Sidney.”

  “It's...it's true,” I stammer. “You're acting crazy, Kendall. I don't want any trouble with you or any drama. I just want to do my job and go home. And as for me and Philip – that's ridiculous. He's a good boss. He cares about his employees. All of us. He's a friend. And you could be my friend, too, Kendall. If you wanted to be. We shouldn't be fighting each other. We're a team, now. And anyway, I have a boyfriend...so you don't even need to worry about anything like that...”

  I don't know why I said it. I just wanted to overcompensate, throw Kendall off the track. But instead it was Phillip who freezes in horror. Kendall narrows her eyes, as if she's trying to sniff out deceit.

  “Fine,” grumbles Kendall, defeated at last.

  “Good,” I say. I walk up to Philip's desk and take the prime seat: the chair right in front of his. “Now let's get down to this assignment. What's Topeka Channing doing that's so newsworthy.”

  “That's the thing,” says Kendall. “Nobody knows. She's gone.”

  “What do you mean, gone?”

  “You've heard of Topeka Channing, right?” says Philip. “Onetime troubled starlet – used to be a famous child star everyone loved, then she had a pop career – but she's been more famous as a red carpet hot mess than anything resembling a celebrity for years now. And now she hasn't shown up to rehearsals for the film that was supposed to be her big comeback. They say she dropped out of the public eye altogether, changed her identity. And what I want you two girls to figure out together is...why? What happened? Are the rumors true? Was it drugs? A nervous breakdown – maybe precipitated by her reported breakup with her boyfriend Heath Fellows. It's a mystery I think you'll both enjoy. Kendall, if you want this story so badly, you can have it. As a co-byline. And you'll have to work with Sidney.”

  “What? That's...”

  “That's my final offer,” says Philip. “Kendall, your personal connections with Topkea, and Sidney, your outsider's eye – you'd make the perfect team. So get out of my office, and get to work.”

  Kendall and I eye each other angrily as we leave the office. What the hell is Philip thinking, I'm sure we're both wondering, making us spend more than a second of our time together? Does he want us to kill each other? Because that could happen. In fact, after what she said about my mother, it's pretty fucking likely.

  “So is this Philip's plan?” Kendall mumbles. “To force me to like you?”

  “I don't like it any better than you do, Kendall,” I say. “But if you'd just left well enough alone instead of barging into Philip's office like that, we wouldn't be stuck together. We can just ignore each other like usual.”

  “Hard to ignore you when you're the one invading my whole family,” Kendall sniffs.

  “I was working on the Mitch Conway case,” I say. “I had nothing to do with you or your father or any of this. If I didn't care about my job so much I'd be perfectly happy never dealing with any members of you and your fucked up family ever again.

  Kendall's face falls. For a second it looks like she actually is hurt by my words. But then she smiles – her customary bitch-face smile – and shrugs.

  “Well, we might as well get to work, then,” she says. “You're in luck, Stone. My ex-boyfriend, Jeremy Light, is in a band with Heath Fellows. He might know something. And you don't have to pretend to be a journalist, for a change.”

  “I don't trust you,” I say frankly. “How do I know you're not setting me up for false intel? Trying to humiliate me yet again.”

  “God, Sidney, you're such an idiot,” Kendall rolls her eyes. “Don't you get it? I don't want to get fired any more than you do.”

  “Yeah, because you need the money so badly.”

  “Yeah, actually, I do.” Kendall puts her hands on her hips. “If I fuck up again, that's it for my trust fund. Up in smoke. Gone. All the money I'm supposed to get before I turn twenty-five – Daddy Dearest says if I don't shape up – become a fammiiillly, as he said at that dinner you very tactfully didn't bother to fucking show up to – then he's going to withdraw all support. Philip may have gotten his trust fund, but me? I'm the family fuckup. And Daddy's only too happy to pull the plug so that his favored older child gets a bigger share.”

  “Besides,” Kendall says. “Topeka was my friend. And if you had parents as fucked up as mine, you'd realize how important true friends really were. Topeka never thought I was a fuck-up. She took care of me. When I got high, she made sure I got home safe. She held my hair back when I threw up. She mattered to me. I'd never let anyone tell lies about her. Not even her. I want to find her as much as you do, Sidney. That's why I wanted this story in the first place. Now shut up and let's get to work.”

  I look at Kendall in surprise. I've never heard her speak so nicely about anybody before.

  I feel another twinge of sadness.

  What would have happened to poor Kendall if my mom hadn't shown up when she did – to make an already explosive divorce even more damaging? Would she have turned normal? Would we have met now, here, at FDL, and become friends instead of mortal enemies?

  The thought made me a little wistful, and I pushed it away.

  “Come on,” I said. “Let's get to work.”

  Chapter 8

  The last thing I want to do right now is work with Kendall LaFleur. But Philip assigned me the story – though why the hell he thinks putting me in the same room as his crazy-bitch sister is a good idea – and so I haven't got a fucking chance in hell at getting around it. Philip may be my secret lover, but he's also my boss: and a hardass boss at that. I know that trying to cross him is a terrible idea.

  “So,” I say to Kendall. “Here's the plan. You text Topeka's ex-boyfriend – that Heath Fellow guy. We go meet him.”

  Kendall rolls her eyes and gives me a look of pure disdain.

  “You don't want to? Fine, I'll get his number some other way.”

  “No...” sighs Kendall. “I guess I'm stuck with you, huh. So let's just do it your way. The sooner we're done with this story the sooner I can go back to pretending that you don't exist, which I'm very much looking forward to.”

  “Likewise,” I say.

  “I'm not letting you go alone,” says Kendall. “What kind of fucking idiot do you think I am? You'll get the story and all the credit.”

  “I'm not asking you to let me go alone,” I say. “Just to be tolerable for a few short hours. I know you need a ride, right?” Kendall smiles cruelly. “Since you can't afford a car. And nobody in my social circle would even talk to you, with you looking the way you do...”

  “I'll get an Uber,” I say.

  “Fuck that,” Kendall says. “For crying out loud, Sidney, get in my car. I'll drive. I forgot that losers in this city don't have cars. Jesus.”

  She leads me to her tiny little red racecar.

  “Are you even allowed to drive?” I ask her.

  She rolls her eyes. “Get in,” she says.

  She drives like a maniac. Even if it weren't for the million and one DUIs, Kendall LaFleur should never be let on any road. She drives like she's on a racecourse, but without the precision. If she wants to kill me, I think, she's certainly found an effective way to do it.

  “Right. To the Lightfellows. I know where they hang out.”

  She puts on the radio. I recognize the song as one of the Lightfellows greatest hits: sung by bad boy pop prince Jeremy Light himself.

  “ENDLESS LOVE....” Kendall sings along at the top of her lungs. “WHY
CAN’T YOU STAY FOREVER?”

  She's off-key. People in neighboring cars are starting to stare.

  “Mind not doing that?” I ask her.

  “Get your own car,” Kendall says. “Then you can listen to whatever pussy music you want. This is my car and I do whatever I want in it. Including radio rights and singing.”

  “It's your funeral,” I say, sighing. “I'm not the one with everyone looking at me.”

  “So what?” Kendall shrugs. “I'm young; I'm rich; I'm hot. I can do whatever the fuck I want. If they wanna look they're welcome to it. I live my life for myself, Sidney, not just to please someone else. Maybe you should try it. Live your life the way you want to live it. Loosen up and you'll see what it's like to be less inhibited. To actually have fun for a change instead of putting on that prissy prudish act. Be a little bit less of a loser for just an afternoon, please.”

  “I'm glad you think it's fun,” I say dubiously. “But when we get pulled over under suspicion of drunk driving...”

  “That's the thing with you, Sid. So fucking straight-laced. So by the book goody two shoes. You just let people walk right over you, don't you? And that's what I can't stand. If you'd just once stood up for yourself, told me to go fuck myself, maybe I'd have respected you more. But I can't stand mousy passive types. They're such easy targets. And you were the easiest target of all, if I recall correctly.”

  Our joint past is the last thing I want to remember. I've tried to forget those awful days that Kendall picked on me so viciously I'd fake sick instead of going to school, when I wouldn't be able to tell my mother what was happening without feeling guilty for maybe ruining her perfect new romance.

  “The difference between you and me, Kendall,” I say coolly, “is that I don't see people as targets. No matter how much they annoy me. I'm not interested in picking on anyone. Or letting you pick on me the way you did back in high school.”