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  “Make me forget,” I whispered. “Please, make me forget.”

  His hands were deft and quick, and when I surrendered to him I found myself crying aloud, sobbing, as his fingers found the source of my desire.

  But I wanted more. I wanted him to take me – completely, quickly, and irreversibly. I begged him to, aloud, crying his name.

  “Neve...” his voice was shaking. “I can't – like this...”

  “Why not?”

  “I don't want to be a rebound, Neve. If I'm with you, I want it to be...all about us.”

  “Please...

  “Believe me, Neve, I want to be with you more than anything in the world. But not now. When you're ready. When you're okay. I want us both to be in the moment. For now, I just want to hold you against me. For now, I just want to make sure you're okay.”

  “I'm okay,” I whispered, but I knew it was a lie. I wasn't okay. Something within me had shattered. But right now, I just wanted to be with someone who would hold me, who would comfort me, who would make everything okay. I just wanted to blot out the pain. I just wanted to be with someone who would make me forget.

  “Hold me,” I whispered.

  Chapter 16

  Luc and I began a new, strange routine. In public we'd be polite to each other, friendly, hardly behaving any differently from how we used to do. But in private, our passion took over. In private, I allowed myself to become intimate with him, to use his body – his hands, his mouth, and his tongue – as a weapon against my own pain, as a means of destroying Danny's influence on me.

  We never went all the way, though. Sometimes we'd come close; sometimes we would be lying together, naked in one another's arms, sweat against sweat, skin against skin, but we would never surrender to that one ultimate pleasure, that one unfulfilled desire that blotted out all our smaller pleasures. We always came so close, his loins against mine, his hardness so warm against my thighs, but we never went further. Luc was waiting for me to be the one to speak first, to invite him to take me fully, but I could never bring myself to speak those words. I could never bring myself to become vulnerable in that way. I was functional – my affair with Luc allowed me the strength to get the band back together, made it possible to lead the band without bursting into tears – but deep down I knew that, despite this distraction, a part of me was broken: a part of me that it would take time to heal.

  I hadn't even started to think about what I'd do about Danny when he came back – if he ever came back. He hadn't written me; he hadn't called; he hadn't even tried.

  And then one day Rick Slayton walked into our rehearsal room.

  “Good news,” he said, his white whiskers crinkling with a smile. “The situation out there over in England's turned around. Clarence Blue is going to make a full recovery. He's out of danger...and you know what that means.”

  My heart began to beat quickly, so quickly that I had to sit down.

  “Danny's coming back,” I said softly. My voice shook; it took all of my strength to make sure I did not waver.

  “Yes,” Slayton said. “He'll be on the next plane out.”

  Back like nothing happened I thought bitterly. Luc looked up at me, his eyes full of pain. Was he worried about his rival's return?

  “Hey, Neve,” Slayton's voice was low. “Can I talk to you for a second?”

  “Sure,” I didn't look up at him. I didn't want him to see the look in my eyes.

  “I just wanted to check in...” He sighed. “Danny's been trying to reach you for days. But he hasn't been able to get through. He says the line's always busy...”

  I'd never been able to bring myself to turn the phone back on. I didn't want to hear Danny's apologies, his excuses. I couldn't stand to hear your voice.

  “He's been pretty busy himself,” I said, not bothering to contain the bitterness in my voice.

  “Yes, Neve, he has.” Slayton's tone grew grave. “Running Blues Enterprises can't be easy, especially when you've got a family member nearly dying on your hands. And it's not easy, either, to run a big empire like the one Clarence Blue built up over the years, even at the best of times. I don't envy Danny the life he has right now. And I know he and Clarence have...been spending lots of time together, alone.”

  “He's spending time with the whole family, it seems.”

  “Now Neve,” Slayton sighed. “Surely you can't seriously think that...”

  “It's true, isn't it?” Now the tears were flowing freely. “About him and Roni?”

  Slayton scoffed aloud. “If you think he'd be interested in a woman like that, a woman so opposed to everything he stands for...” He considered. “It's impossible, Neve. I know how he feels about you.”

  “But I...”

  “Whatever Roni wants you to think,” Slayton insisted, “believe me, it can't be true.” He looked almost as sad as I was. “She may be a sweet young thing, but she's also one of the most ruthless women in LA. And she'll say anything; do anything to get what she wants. She's gotten you out of your comfort zone, Neve. You can't worry about her – or let her get to you. I know how Danny loves you...”

  “I have to go,” I said, forcing myself to exit as quickly as I could so that Slayton couldn't see the tears running down my face. How could what he said be true – how? How could he love me – when I had seen him and Roni together with my own eyes? When I had seen the look of passion on their faces? How could he...

  Tears fell in droplets down onto my phone as I turned it on for the first time in a week. Messages, alerts, texts, flooded the system. I miss you. I love you. Where are you? Darling, I'm worried. Darling, why aren't you returning my calls?

  How could this be the same man who deceived me, who betrayed my trust?

  I'm coming back as soon as my father is out of danger. I can't wait to hold you and kiss you and take you in my arms once again.

  I looked across the room at Luc, who was practicing his guitar, his long brown hair falling over his face. He was adorable, I thought – sexy, handsome, someone kind, someone who would never hurt me. He had seen me in my darkest hour and seen me through it. How had I been such a fool, to love someone as duplicitous as Danny when someone like Luc was there to love me all along?

  But my heart sank. Danny's words had made an impression on my soul, whether I wanted them to or not. No matter what I felt or did not feel for Luc, my feelings for Danny were still intoxicating, overwhelming. That was what hurt so much, scarred so deeply.

  “I need to go...” I said to the band mates. I needed to take a shower, to get away from Luc, from everyone. I needed space to process my thoughts.

  Luc caught my eye. “D'you want me to...” He always followed me home after rehearsal.

  I shook my head. “I just need to go,” I said, my voice firm and defiant. I needed to be alone, to process what was happening, to get in control of my heart.

  I drove back to my apartment – as sad, as empty, as bare as before. All my things were at Danny's, but I couldn't bring myself to go back there. I couldn't bring myself to look at the bed, to see how happy we had been, to picture us lying there, naked and intertwined.

  I got into the shower and began to sob, my body racking once more with the pain, the guilt, the shame, the confusion. I was numb, divorced from my body, divorced from all my desires.

  A knock came at the door.

  “Luc...” I murmured, sighing. I had told him I didn't want him there. I'd told him to stay away.

  And then I opened the door.

  Danny Blue stood before me.

  He was looking at me with his big blue eyes, nothing in them but love, but need, but joy and desire. He took me into his arms and, before I could protest, he began kissing me more passionately, more overwhelmingly, than ever.

  “No...” I tried to push him away, but already I could feel my knees buckling, going under, growing week.

  “I've missed you so much, Neve...”

  “Danny, no!”

  This time I pushed him harder – so hard he went stum
bling back against the wall.

  “Neve, what's wrong?”

  “Danny, no! I know!” I began to cry, sobbing harder and harder. “I know about her. About you and Roni. I know what's happening. I saw the video.”

  Danny looked like he'd just seen a ghost. He turned chalk-white, ashen, stricken, leaning against the wall for balance.

  “Neve...” he began slowly. “I never wanted you to see that...”

  “You thought you could just keep your affair a secret? You thought I wouldn't find out?”

  “A long, long time ago, Neve, I did something I regret – regret to this day. I slept with my own stepmother. I was in a bad place, a very bad place, psychologically. Drugs. Drink. Physical need. I gave into Roni's advances – what's more, I treated her badly. As badly as my father treated her. And I never told you because I was too ashamed. But that video, Neve, it's from almost a year ago. From before I met you.”

  “B-b-but you slept with her.”

  “And I regret it to this day. I regret what it's done to my family. I feel guilty – so guilty...about how I behaved. About what I've done.” He swallowed. “That's what caused his heart attack, you know. Someone sent him the video. Tried to shock him into an early grave.” He smiled darkly. “Can you guess who?”

  “She tried to kill your dad?” That information was too overwhelming – it blotted out all my anger.

  “I think so, Neve.” Danny sighed. “She's more than just a bit unstable. She's certifiably crazy. And she won't be happy until she's taken her revenge on every last one of us. She won't be happy until everyone is as miserable as she is. Neve, I love you. I have always loved you – and I have never been unfaithful to you. I lied to you about Roni – I left out the truth – and I'm sorry. I was wrong to do it. But it was only because I wanted to deserve your love so very badly. And I wanted to be a good man – to forget my past. Please forgive me, Neve. I've never been with anyone since you. I promise.

  “Will you forgive me for what I've done?”

  Chapter 17

  I was overwhelmed. I didn't know what to think. A few hours ago, I'd been in Luc's arms – not content, perhaps, but safe, warm, overcome by his love for me. I'd believed that Danny was a cheater, a liar, a dirt bag that had never loved me. And now everything was turned on its head once again. I'd slept with Danny; I'd been involved with Luc. I was torn between two men, my body and my soul alike rent in two by the twin passions that split every fiber of my being. How could I go back to Danny, now, knowing what had happened with Luc? Could I go back to Danny at all?

  “What is it, Neve?”

  I said nothing – couldn't find the words. But Danny could tell that something was wrong.

  “You can't believe Roni's lies, can you?” Danny seized hold of my hands. “That tape – I didn't even know it existed. I was vulnerable, Neve, after Peyton died. I just wanted meaningless sex, meaningless bodies. I was wallowing in guilt and grief. But with me and Roni, it was never serious.” He gripped my shoulders so tightly I almost moaned aloud. “I love you, Neve. I missed you so much, you have to believe that. When I was sitting in that hospital bed, sitting at my father's side, watching him hover between life and death, you were my hope. I wanted to call you, really I did. But there was no service in the hospital, and I didn't want to leave his side. You know what they said, Neve? That my father responded to my voice. That I was the one who snapped him out of his coma. By talking to him. Telling him things. Telling him I forgave him. I don't know if he heard the words, or he just heard the sound of my voice. But it worked. I talked to him, held his hand. I never left his side. And you know what?”

  Danny took a deep breath. “One day he just started...moving. It was his hand, at first, and then his face, and then at last he opened his eyes and saw me. It was a miracle, Neve! The doctors said that my presence, my voice, gave him the strength to survive. It was the first time I'd ever let my father see me cry since I was a child. But there were tears in my eyes when I woke up. And I saw, too, that there were tears in his. I hadn't killed my father, Neve. I'd saved him. Nobody else had visited him. Not Roni. Not his other ex-wives. Just me. And he looked into my eyes and he told me he loved me for the very first time. I don't remember ever hearing those words from his lips before. He pulled me in for a hug and he told me that he loved me, and that he was sorry for all the pain he'd ever caused me. We reconciled that day – but he's weak still. He needs to cut back his working hours. So I promised him...I promised I'd take over. That I'd try my best to assume his position at Blues Enterprises. It's his legacy, Neve, and I can't fail him any longer.”

  I was in shock. I hardly knew what to say. My own pain, my own romantic woes, seemed to pale in comparison with the enormity of Danny's struggle. All I could think about in the moment was how I wanted Danny to be happy, how deeply I cared about him and his father. “Danny,” I whispered softly, “you were never a failure. You are so much more than that.”

  Danny stroked my face lightly. “You make me feel complete, Neve. Always have, always will. You're like my knight in shining armor. Without you, I wouldn't have the courage – wouldn't have the strength – to fight through the situation with my father, with Roni. But you give me the strength. With you, I feel I can do anything.”

  Guilt rose to my face, infusing it with a crimson flush. I thought of Luc, of what I had done. I could not bear it. “Oh, Danny,' I cried. “I'm so sorry. If it only was that simple. But when I saw that tape of you and Roni together, I thought you had betrayed me...”

  “I know,” said Danny gravely. “And, Neve, I'm so sorry. I can only imagine what went through your head when you saw that awful tape. I had no idea we were being filmed at the time – I felt so violated when I saw it... But she still believes, if she can only get you out of the way, that she and I would be together. When I only want you.”

  He moved closer, pressing his lips against mine. I couldn't help responding to him like in the old days, my body powerful in its reply to him. But I forced myself to pull back. How could I kiss him like this, disguising the lie of my own infidelity? How could I tell him about Luc?

  But before I could speak, Danny interrupted my train of thoughts. “There's something else, Neve. Some amazing news.”

  I exhaled in relief, glad to have my confession forestalled a moment longer. “What is it, Danny?”

  “My father realized what Roni had done. And he started divorce proceedings the same day. He took her off RRR and slammed her with papers hours after he woke up. She'll no longer have the tools or the power to mess with the Never Knights. Nor with you and me.”

  I was overcome with relief. It felt like a huge weight had been lifted off my shoulders at last. “Thank God,” I whispered. I felt tears coming to my eyes. “The stalker...gone at last...”

  But Danny's eyes were shining with joy. “That's not all, either, Neve. There's something else. When I was sitting at my dad's side, one night, this young man in his early 20's showed up at the door. He looked familiar – really familiar – but as far as I knew I hadn't seen him before. But his eyes were distinctive. So distinctive. They looked...like mine. And I think I knew, even before anyone said anything. He thought nobody would be in the hospital – he was surprised to see me. Seemed apprehensive, nervous, even. I asked him who he was, what he was doing there. He said his name was Terrence Steele. He was from West Hollywood, the son of a single mom, a wannabe actress, a real estate agent now. Who, when she was eighteen, had a brief fling with a charismatic young businessman while attending a drama school course in England.”

  It was all starting to make sense...

  “You mean...”

  “Clarence Blue?”

  “My father never knew. I never knew. But when Terrence's mother read about my father in the papers, he decided to make amends.”

  “You have a brother?”

  “Half-brother, technically.” Danny's smile was bittersweet. “I suppose I'm not the only Blue blood out there.”

  “Danny – this is huge
...”

  “You'll never guess what he does for a living.” His smile became more playful.

  “What?”

  “He's one of the most famous porn stars in LA.”

  My mouth fell open.

  Now Danny laughed. “Well, with the Blue family genes, how could he be anything else? He's very handsome, you know.”

  Now it was my turn to laugh. “As handsome as you?”

  “Of course,” Danny joked. “He's flawless. I'm quite the proud older brother. And he seems a decent chap, too. I got to spend some time with him while I was in London, while we were helping my dad recover. That's part of the reason I didn't ring you. It was just too much news to tell you over the phone. Neve, I want you to meet him so badly...”

  “Okay...” My voice felt hollow, still full of shock. “But when?”

  Danny looked at his watch. “Well, we have reservations at the Blue Room in about an hour. I hope that's okay.”

  My heart began to beat faster. How could I get through the whole evening, the whole night, without telling Danny about Luc, about what had happened? My guilt was palpable – writ clear on my face, I thought. A scarlet blush.

  “Come on, Neve,” he kissed me on the mouth. A passionate, overwhelming, kiss. “We've got a lot to do. We've got to get ready. But first, let's go back to the cottage. I'm dying to change my clothes.”

  Chapter 18

  I followed Danny back to the cottage, still in shock, still hardly able to speak. Everything that I wanted to say, everything that I wanted to share or explain, bubbled up in me, too overwhelming. There was so much I needed to tell Danny – but how could I bear it? Would he forgive me for my affair with Luc when I thought Danny and I were no longer, or would this be the end of us? My heart was pounding so quickly I could not stand it. Had I finally gotten Danny back, only to lose him again?

  As I walked through the cottage door, I found myself overcome once more by the memories, by the lingering nostalgia for the life we had shared here. As I looked around at the furniture, the bedclothes, the curtains, it was as if he had never left. As if we'd never been apart. Then I could no longer think. Before I could say a word he was on top of me, kissing me, tearing my clothes from my body, sending me to the shuddering brink of orgasm so that I cried aloud, my moans of passion echoing off the cottage rafters. How I had missed his touch! My body missed his so badly. Nobody but Danny had ever made me feel this way, ever made my body feel this alive. This connection – electric and palpable – was undeniable.