Finding YOU Finding ME (You & Me Trilogy Book 2)

  A NOTE FROM THE AUTHOR

  Finding You Finding Me is a mash up of contemporary fiction and romantic fantasy (not fantasy as in fantasy romance and the other kinds of fantasy books I write, but fantasy in that some situations…um…some of the poses are not encouraged in public or would garner you a ticket for public indecency).

  Due to some of the mature themes contained in this novel, this novel is suggested for young adults, new adults, age 18 and older. If you are easily offended by some language, steamy scenes, and adult social situations, then this book is not for you.

  I sincerely hope you will enjoy Sam’s story. I am honored that you chose to read it. Happy Daggers Dreams…

  Sincerely,

  Kailin

  Finding You

  Finding Me

  A You & Me Trilogy Book

  kailin gow

  Finding You Finding Me

  Published by THE EDGE

  THE EDGE is an imprint of Sparklesoup Inc.

  Copyright © 2013 Kailin Gow

  All Rights Reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, graphic, electronic, or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, taping or by any information storage or retrieval system, without the permission in writing from the publisher except in case of brief quotations embodied in critical articles and reviews.

  For information, please contact:

  THE EDGE at Sparklesoup

  14252 Culver Dr., A732

  Irvine, CA 92604

  www.sparklesoup.com

  First Edition.

  ISBN: 978-1597480543

  DEDICATION

  To All the Women Who Took Back the Night.

  And the men who love them.

  To all the women who supported this book series and told me to trust my artistic voice so Sam’s story of being found could be told uncensored and uncut, right from the start.

  Acknowledgements

  To the ladies of Naughty Mafia – Michelle Valentine, Emily Snow, Katie Ashley, Kristen Proby, and Kelli Maine; thank you for including me in all the mayhem and fun. We are going to rock Vegas this year.

  To Kendall Ryan, fun times ahead…looking forward to it!

  To Sylvia Day and EL James, thank you for paving the way for indies, especially other indie authors of romance fiction. Your kindness in sharing your advice and expertise to us newbies in adult romance fiction is greatly appreciated.

  To all the bloggers and readers who have been so supportive of me and my books, getting the word out and suggesting my books to friends and family; thank you from the bottom of my heart. I love each and every one of you!

  To my editors at theEDGEbooks.com, thank you for your patience. I’m working on the next book as fast as I can!

  Prologue

  There comes a time in life when you have to make that decision that you know will determine the course of the rest of your life. Those are the hard decisions buried between the lines of black and white and hidden so deep within the murky blur of charcoal grey that it takes heavy scrubbing to uncover the gem within.

  Today was that time for me…the day I go searching for that hidden gem of truth. The time when I know there was this decision I have to make, that could not be reversible, a decision that would change who I was and where I was heading. Black and white. White and black. Crossing the lines would make things grey. Was I prepared to turn this shade, was I prepared for this change?

  My hands shook as I handed the envelope to the lady at the post office. “How long will it take to get there?” I asked.

  “A few days,” the friendly-faced Asian woman behind the post office counter said. “It’s being sent Priority so it will get there faster. Did you need to send it faster?”

  “No, no,” I said. “That’s soon enough.”

  I hesitated.

  The woman finished stamping the envelope and was about to throw it into the bin behind her when I shot out my hand to stop her.

  “Wait,” I said. “I changed my mind.”

  Startled, the woman asked. “Are you sure?”

  “Yes,” I nodded. “I’m sure.”

  She handed the thick envelope back to me, which I deposited into my shoulder bag. I handed her some cash and quickly shot out of there, feeling the need for some fresh air.

  It was a simple enough act for me to retrieve my envelope, but acknowledging to myself that I didn’t go through with it was something else entirely.

  It meant that instead of choosing the path I was supposed to take, I chose the latter. The one that I was not supposed to take, the one that every ounce of my five foot five frame was scared to death to take…

  I was supposed to mail out that envelope. I was supposed to move on with my life and follow the rules, like the Valedictorian straight A Pastor’s kid that I was. The girl who seemed to have it all – a beautiful family, a scholarship to Stanford, and now a closet full of tapes.

  Collins McGregor’s tapes.

  Beautifully flawed, handsome, and sexy hot beyond belief Collins McGregor’s hidden tapes, meant only for his eyes. And now mine. The tapes from which I could not tear my eyes away. The tapes I found myself wanting to be part of, had even began dreaming about, with me in it, as well as Collins McGregor.

  I shook my head. The mere thought of him had me blushing. Thank God I was already in my car, flushed with the thoughts of Collins and those tapes. Collins McGregor had only been away in Europe for a couple of months, opening up a new subsidiary for his billion dollar entertainment and media enterprise, The Collins Companies, but it felt like forever. The effects of his last kiss on my lips from months ago still linger, and I knew deep within me that was one reason why I didn’t send that envelope.

  My rational side knew I should mail off my response, move on and out so I can accomplish what my mind had set out to do to achieve the kind of life I had dreamed of, but my impulsive emotion-laden side didn’t care, reacting quickly to snatch the envelope back, not caring about the consequences, but only of my needs. Which at this moment, consisted mostly of food, water, and Collins.

  Oh Collins. I’m as deeply buried in this as you are.

  The thought terrified me. I should be running away from all of it, as Collins himself told me to do, but since he gave me that key to his safe deposit box and gave me the choice to back off or to move forward, I couldn’t help wanting and needing more. I’ve had a taste of Collins McGregor. He’s let me in. He’s given me his key not only to his safe deposit box, but to his deep dark secretive world. The world he’s tried to leave behind for me, but couldn’t. I should back away and run, but I couldn’t. I should cut myself off completely from Collins, but I can’t.

  Something inside of me called out and craved this part of Collins, something that so desperately needed this sordidness, as though it was an answer to a deep dark mystery within that I needed to find. Whatever it was, I couldn’t turn back. With Collins McGregor, it was either black or white, never anything in between. No shades of grey here, just a journey from white to black, or was it the other way around?

  *****

  I was halfway to Sawyer House, the teen and young adult crisis center I volunteered at as a peer counselor when I heard the familiar ringtone on my phone going off.

  Pachelbel’s Canon in D Major.

  It was familiar, but also a surprise…haven’t been used in weeks.

  I was exhilarated hearing it go off, but nervous at the same time.

  I let it ring for a little while before summoning my strength to answer. “Hi,” I said, my voice instinctively turning breathy and an octave lower.

  “Hi,” he said in an equally
breathy tone. It was as deep, yet soft and velvety as I remembered. Downright sexy as hell. “Today’s the day,” he said. “Have you decided, Sam?”

  “Yes,” I said softly. “I have.”

  “I’ve been waiting for months for this,” he said. “I can’t wait any longer.”

  “You don’t have to,” I said. “I watched your tapes. I watched all of it. Everything.”

  There was a soft gasp at the other end of the phone, one that made my stomach flutter. Daggers. Soft and vulnerable Daggers. Even in Europe, so far away from where I was in Newport Beach, California, I can feel his boyish vulnerability, feel his pain and insecurity. By giving me those tapes, by trusting me with them, he had opened himself widely to me. He had opened up and cut through all the deep layers within him, the many layers that made up the beautiful and powerful, but deeply pained man that he was. It was not an easy thing for him to do, and no matter what my answer would be, I would always appreciate Collins for trusting me with his secret.

  He didn’t say anything for a while.

  I didn’t say anything for a while. It would take a lot for me to make the next move and answer him, but it was something I had to do for him, and for me.

  “I,” I started. “I’m not going.”

  “You’re not going?” he asked.

  “No, Collins, I’m not.”

  “It’s what you dreamed of,” he said.

  “Still dreamed of,” I said, “but some things are better left there.”

  “You should go, you know,” he said.

  “I’ve decided not to,” I said.

  “Why?” he asked. “I thought you’ve always wanted to go to Stanford.”

  “Things change,” I said quickly.

  “So you don’t need the scholarship,” he said.

  “No,” I answered. “I’m not taking it. Nor am I taking your money.”

  “Sam,” Collins tone changed immediately. Harsher, more insistent. “You’ll need it for whatever you decide to go into. It’s yours to keep.”

  I swallowed. Collins was being so generous right now and I never would take advantage of that generosity. “No, I’m not taking it, Collins.”

  “If you’re not taking it, then I assume you’re agreeing to the other condition of my proposition,” he said in all seriousness but with a hint of wicked amusement in his voice.

  “I’ve seen your tapes, Collins,” I said, barely a whisper, “and I can’t seem to stop thinking about it and about you.”

  Another gasp, but this time, deeper and more in charge. “Sam, you do know what you’re getting into, don’t you?”

  “Yes,” I said, feeling an inferno of heat shoot through me as I answered him.

  “And you still want to be with me…after this discovery?”

  “Yes,” I said again, feeling bolder from hearing his voice, as if hypnotized.

  “Then, Samantha Sullivan, my dear sweet girl,” Collins said. “I can’t wait to see you in an hour.”

  Chapter 1

  “An hour?” I protested. “But you’re in Europe.”

  “Apparently I’m not,” Collins said. “I didn’t forget today was the day. Believe it or not, Sam, I would make a special return flight home just to hear your decision whispered into my ears in person. Clear your schedule, Sam. I’ll be at your house in about an hour.”

  “But I have to be at Sawyer House,” I said. “I’m training a new counselor today.”

  “Have you taken the place of that man boy as trainer?” Collins asked, slightly amused. “I wouldn’t be surprised if you do, Sam.”

  “Derek,” I said. “No, I won’t be replacing him,” I smiled into the phone, thinking about the handsome trainer at Sawyer House who quickly became my friend months ago and had become my closest friend in the last couple of months since Collins left. A psychology major at the University of California at Irvine, he had taken me under his wings, at Sawyer House, training me and giving me advice on some of the social situations that came up there during the intense calls. Just a couple of years older than I, but more experienced and worldly than I was because of his college experience and upbringing, being raised by a single mother in a rougher part of town, he also tried to show me a little more of the world. Given how sheltered I was because of my upbringing, it opened my eyes a bit. But when it came to knowing everything about the world and its hidden riches and secrets, no one was like Collins McGregor…my beautiful, but raw and edgy billionaire boy wonder/former lover.

  “Then he’s still there,” Collins said, his voice dripping with annoyance.

  “Well…you and I,” I said. “You broke up with me and…”

  “Are you two together?” Collins’ voice was as cold as ice. A complete switch from warmly seductive to murderous steel. “You got together with him as soon as the opportunity…”

  “No, not together,” I said, feeling defensive. It was no secret to Collins and I that Derek wanted a lot more than friendship with me, and had tried in the past to get there.

  “I wouldn’t put it past him to try,” Collins said. “But I know you, Sam. If you were to ever find yourself in a position to be thoroughly fucked, it wouldn’t be with him.”

  Anger flashed through me then. How dare he use that against me. How dare he throw my deep-seated terror of intimacy into my face. “Oh, you think you know that about me?” I said icily.

  “I know it takes someone stronger than Mr. Psych to break through your wall, Sam,” Collins said. “Someone who knows how to heat up that inner passion of yours to the point you just don’t care how you get fucked or when, but that you do, and that’s all that you can think of.”

  I felt the heat rising in me as the intensity of his words burn through the waves through my ear and into my core, running down to my lower body where I felt myself shiver with desire.

  “You’re feeling it right now, aren’t you, Sam?” Collins said. “The need? Your need to be thoroughly and deeply fucked by me. I can think of many imaginative ways to do it, too. You’re feeling the tingling in you that starts below. Is it hot or is it cold? Is it burning a heat so hot that you can feel your skin start to sweat? How hot is it, Sam? Are your panties wet with its heat? Do you need to cool down with a cube of smooth as silk ice that melts as it rubs against your burning skin? How good would that feel when shocking cold meets burning hot? How good would it feel when my cool tongue dipped through your flesh over and over again, licking the heat off of your salty skin until you’re cool enough to begin heating back up again?”

  There was a pause and then in a very soft commanding voice, Collins purred. “Open your eyes, Sam. I know you’ve closed them. The pleasure is too intense for you to keep your eyes open. The pleasure is mounting as you move your fingers. Exploring, dipping, feeling. You’re squeezing your eyes shut tight, as you experience the intensity of each and every stroke. One stroke, two stroke, three…”

  “Ohhh!” I groaned, clenching my teeth, opening my eyes wide in shock as the sound of a searing loud blaring of horns pierced the air, and I swerved, nearly missing the blue van in the next lane. “Collins!” I screamed.

  “Sam!” Collins’ voice cried through my phone. “Are you alright? Sam?”

  My heart was beating so fast as the van swerved inches away from colliding with my small white compact car, and narrowly missed crushing me to bits. I gripped the handle with both hands so hard, turning to readjust the car, and within a split second, was back in my lane, breathing hard.

  “Sam!” Collins’ voice sounded so far away, coming through my phone on the seat next to me. My small earpiece had fallen off, and I couldn’t make out all the words coming through.

  The hard turn of my car had pushed the phone clear to the other side of the car, and I couldn’t reach it.

  Concentrate on the road. Focus, Sam. Get yourself together and calm down.

  I took a deep breath and slowly let out the air as I listen to my strong inner voice, the voice that would pop up when I needed to listen to what I needed to do.
I took another deep breath, trying to calm myself down.

  I can do this. I will get through this.

  Again and again until my hands were only shaking mildly.

  Finally, I was back in control. The car was driving smoothly in its own lane, as though nothing had happened. Just a few more blocks and I’ll be driving into the parking lot of Sawyer House like just another day at work. Another day where my advice on the phone to any teen, young adult or adult can help make a difference in someone’s life. Another day when I would get involved in the lives of other people’s problems. I brought a trembling finger to my hair to push a few strands out of my face and looked in the mirror. My hazel eyes stared back at me from the mirror, as though mocking me.

  When will you learn, Sam, it’s time to work on your own problems…time to start saving yourself.

  “Easy for you to say!” I shouted. “You have no idea how much I have to deal with. It’ll be so easy to give up, so easy to leave and go far away! Leave behind all the messed up fucked up shit I have facing me and go far away to Stanford.”

  But no, you didn’t leave, did you, Sam? You gave up that opportunity. Lost that chance to run far away from all that mess. Why?

  “Because…because I know it will never end until I face it. Because I know. In me, deep inside me, I lost someone, and I need to find her again or I will always always be lost.”